Tuesday Morning Bitch Session

I am staring at the keyboard, not really sure how this post is going to turn out. Nothing exciting to report, just feel the need to touch base.

My usually peppy self feels like it's taking a backseat. I am thinking that it is party due to the fact that Hudson's teething is wearing me out. He is still his usual happy-go-lucky self in the day, but at night he is back to the shitty sleeping patterns. He generally sleeps pretty sound until 3'ish and has been getting up every hour there after. I am beat. His 3 teeth actually look like they have gone down today. WTF?

I had full intentions of getting up before Andy had went to work and going for a speed walk/jog to get my day started. I am kind of in idle mode in the weight department (I am not far from where I want to be, but still...). After getting up again last night every hour, I felt as though there were weights in my heavy eyelids and figured I may end up falling on my head for lack of co-ordination from it. I need to get my butt in gear again, because in 6 weeks from now it's going to be starting to get cold and miserable out and I will lose my oompf. I am going to go as soon as he gets in the door tonite from work. It will be hot out then, but it'll have to do.

The house has been listed for about 3 1/2 weeks now, and I am getting sick and tired of having to leave all of the time so that it can be shown. I am more than annoyed at the thought of rando's looking through my shit and not benefiting from it.

Andy has been offered a full time coaching position this winter for the Junior B team. He is torn, because he was the one that was hell bent on moving and in the other hand, hockey is his life and the opportunity is right in front of him.

I have been playing with the dreaded though of having to return to work alot lately. I realize that I have until December 1st to enjoy my time with my son, but I can't help but wonder if my decision of going back part time is the best option. I do not like the idea of him growing up under the guidance of a babysitter. Life is short, and I do not want to miss out on alot of things because I am working. On another note, when you make good $... you are not limited to what you can do in your free time. I know that if we only had my part time wage, we would have no other choice than to make it work with the limited income. I just see how frustrated I am, for example on a day like today-- my EI was deposited, the mortgage came out and my money is gone. I now have to depend on Hubs to transfer money to give me a shot at freedom. I used to make fat cash, and I can hear it calling me in the back of my mind. Going back part time for an hourly rate would pay me 1/4 of the salary annually.

It stings a bit. No, it stings alot. What to do?

I feel a lot like Cinderella again lately. Admittedly; I am a neat freak, but I feel almost taken for granted. Dinner is cooked, cookies are baked, toilets are clean, laundry is done. It seems like I am burnt out. There are pink jobs and blue jobs in our house, but it seems that pink is doing all of the jobs. Team blue did make the bed last night after the sheets were washed because team pink was tired from the 3 hour sleep the previous night. Also, team blue let the baby's bottle leak formula all over the sheets that morning while team pink made a jaunt to the store. Nevertheless, thanks for making the bed.

I think that I need to go and do something socially. Not out boozing it up and afraid of what the next morning will feel like-- even just something where I can get dressed up and wear some heels, pack around a clutch rather than my huge purse that is doubles as a diaper bag. Not sure what I would do, or where I would go. I know that if I wanted to do such a thing Andy would likely be jealous and would want to tag along. Even if he gets to go on man trips, family free.

The whole situation with my Mom is still eating away at me. I thought about writing her a letter, but likely would end up being a waste of my time and the thought of hurting her (even if she does need an eye opener) just doesn't seem worth while. I am sure that I will cave, and sweep things under the rug. Pretend like she never bailed on us and never bothered to call. I know that I am the better person. I would like to think that she will apologize for it in our next conversation.

Fuck it.

I truly wish that my family was less dysfunctional, likely one of the downfalls of having a scattered family. I wish that all of the energy wasted on bitching and complaining about one another would end. I have grown tired of the whos got what, and whos doing what. The they don't call, therefore they don't care attitude sucks ass. Pick up the fucking phone and make the effort, and not just on birthdays. I hate that we only hear about one another if it's big news. It seems very cliche for me to say that I WISH THAT EVERYONE WOULD JUST GET ALONG!

Life is too short, let's make the most of it!

Well, I am sure that my lists of complaints could go on and on, but I must go mow the lawn while the little dude sleeps. They are showing the house at 1:30.

*sigh*