Life Lately

My head is spinning out of control.

I have so much that I want to post about. However, I do not have the time. I have packing to do. My little family has to be out of our home by the 25th of this month... Our family has no home to move to. I know that we have our spacious holiday trailer that will definately get us by, and there is always the option of staying at my Dad's place if need be.

I am awake all hours of the night, thinking. Fall asleep fine, and then at 2 am to 5 am... awake. (Maybe I should give T a call.) Hudson is up at 7:30 or so, only giving me a couple of hours a night. My mind gets away from me, and even with all of the thinking that I am doing nothing seems to be getting resolved. I am stressed to the MAX. If it were spring, I would not have half of this anxiety. We could build a house, and take our time to have it the way that we (I) want it.

Clearly not an option.

Andy also has thrown the idea of relocating into the mix. We went away for the weekend and looked at 32 houses in just 2 days. It is so hard! Either you get a new house with absolutely no yard (not really an option when the little man and the dog will need space), or an old shack with a great yard. You can wish for a package deal in one hand, and shit in the other.

We (He) found a house that is in a fair price range, and has a great yard and a pool ( I would have to fence it off with a baby and a dog). It is desert-hot there so the pool would be great I am sure. The house has potential, and with Andy's capable hands I am sure that I could have a great house. A couple of downfalls though, It is an 8 hour drive away from here and it could be costly to relocate. I will keep you updated.

I have family here, friends here, work here, daycare set up here, nail clients here. What I am trying to say is, I have a life here. I love security, and that's what it all boils down to. I hate change.

Andy says that sometimes change is good.


Another thing tht I am pissy about is that my birthday was on Monday, and it was just a day. An ordinary day. I was feeling a bit blue and feeling sorry for myself from the lack of sleep trend, and house hunting in another province. Not that I am expecting anything (really I am not)... Buuuuuuut... Andy usually goes out of his way for my birthday. He always has. I may have gotten my hopes up a bit. We did for dinner, but I had no appetite.

He did however, buy me something that is off getting sized. Rather than looking at it, I told him to hang onto it and when it comes in and he picks it up to give it to me then --and I will even act surprised. I would like him to put forth and effort to create a 'birthday' whatever the date of the month is. I do not have much excitement (or positive) these days in my life, and he needs to pull his head out of his ass. Monetary things are great, yes, but I still need to feel appreciated. I would do it for him, even if it came down to plugging an easy-bake oven into the car adapter and whipping up a 'cake' in the back seat. (I would.)

My migraines are becoming quite frequent, and my stomach is constantly hurting and bloated. I have not been eating worth a lick, food just doesn't taste so good after the initail bite or two. I know that the next 2 weeks are going to be crazy, and everything will work out. Maybe then I will feel good again.

I have signed up (and paid so there is no backing out now) to walk/jog the 1/2 marathon in Kelowna on October 13th. It is 21.1 km's, and I truly am looking forward to it. I have not decided yet if I am going to take Hudson in the jogger stroller yet. Even if I am the second last (I would never allow myself to be last), I am still doing it, and doing it for myself. Training to walk that far may just keep me focused to lose that last 15 lbs that is hanging around.

The little dude is doing well, very vocal with his new sounds. He pulls himself up on pantlegs and such, and pushes himself backwards and rolls around to get to where he wants to be. Baby food is quickly becoming a thing of the past, grilled cheese is his new favorite lunch. He is awesome, and I am thankful for him bringing me back to earth when I feel like I can't take anymore lately.

Whew! I feel a bit better. Everything happens for a reason, and I can't wait to look back and see what all this stress amounts to.