My brain has been working overtime. So much so, that it's dreadfully hard to fall asleep at night. I am exhausted, and just can't seem to shut my brain off. It sucks. This post may ramble.
It is still the same things eating away at me. Nothing major, just can't seem to shake it. It is 9:30 right now, and I have my floors washed and vacuumed, kitchen clean, baby bathed and dressed and my 3rd load of laundry on the go. Busy, but still just another day. Booooor-ing!
We looked at a house last night, big and beautiful, but still for $400,000 it has to be more of what I want. The house is 3 years old, and I would want to replace all of the flooring. I personally hate laminate, and the house had 2 full floors of it. Keep looking i guess. We need a bigger house. And also, would we keep this house and rent it, or do we sell it and put the equity into the new house?!?! *ugh!*
Andy has been working so much still, some 17 hour days... work is work--money is good, but I feel like I am alone. Frustrated at times. Hudson is SO busy, and a bit fussy (not terrible, but it gets to be overload when there is no break). I just wish the teeth would come through already. Andy also complains about how much stuff he is missing out on. Hudson has discovered how to smack his lips, and his tongue is his new fascination. He sticks it out and licks his lips now. Makes for a soggy mess! He has been sleeping better as well, only getting up once at night but a bit harder to get to sleep. His bedtime can be anytime between 9 and 10:30, rather than 8:30 or 9. Not much for alone time. My book is getting dusty.
This weekend is our 12th wedding anniversary. I still don't even fit my wedding rings.... I can get them on, but my finger looks like a swollen purple sausage! We had planned on taking the travel trailer out and relaxing for the weekend by going camping. I am not much of a camper, but with the trailer-- it's awesome. I look forward to it. I look especially forward to a family outing together, to catch up. Andy is busy at work, and can't get away. He just asked me to go out to the lake and book a site, and reserve it by putting up a tent until tonite when he can get the trailer out there. Me... put up a tent?!?! Should be quite the sight. I'll let you know how that little adventure turns out.
Next week, Andy has been invited to go with some buddies to beautiful Fernie to go on a 4 day golf package. It would be 6 days away with travel time. That again, is alot of time being a single parent. He is SO excited to go, and when he asked if he was allowed to join them how could I say no? He could use the break from work to have down time, and he can afford to go. I would be a bitch if I said no (mostly out of jealousy), and he would be heartbroken I am sure. Not too often does he really want to go anywhere, other than in August he goes on his annual ocean fishing trip for a week, which he has done for the past 4 years.
I have thought about going to see my sister for the 6 days while he is away. She and I are so tight, and she would give me a hand. Shitty thing is that would be a 7 hour drive to get there. Then Andy would fly there and meet me on his way back to help with the drive home. Clearly I would have rocks in my head to do that drive alone as tempting as it is. Andy said I should go; but to take my time, stopping often, and if it took a day and a half to get there, then so be it. I also looked into flying, but it would be a 10+ hour day with all of the changeovers and delays. He suggested if that's the case, go to Vancouver and see Tara and Ruby if I wanted to; but again, to do that alone I would be suicidal. I would however, love the visit. It sucks that we are so far away from each other.
Maybe I should stay home and get some gardening done? Spend the money on flowers and relax around the house. I am a bit stir crazy these days, so not sure if staying here is the solution. I have been trying to go for my long walks in the afternoon, but Hudson has been bitchy for some reason or another when we go, so I haven't been looking forward to it as much. *sigh*
Another contribution to my sleeplessness is taxes. Andy keeps saying tomorrow he'll do his part. I am the one dealing with the bookkeeper and after all, it is his business... not mine. (Mine of course, are done, but not files b/c we will file them at the same time). I even left our $13,000 in IVF receipts that are in my name to help his business return. I bet I could've cashed in had I left them for my personal return! Maybe then I could pay for a chauffeur to drive me on my getaway destination!!!!
What's a girl to do?
I hear ya! I feel for ya too. I was a single parent always. Even when I did begin my relationship I was still a single parent. But ohh what to do is right? One hand work is income and that is the sacrifice to be made unfortunately. It would be good though, if Andy opted to take you and Hudson somewhere for those 6 days instead. Anywhere, even camping. That way you two can share driving if necessary. If Andy is complaining about how much he is missing out on, maybe suggest that to him. There is nothing wrong with guy time or girl time either. The scale is in his hands. I say suggest it and all he can do is still go with the guys. But honestly even though that lil man is so much work, he will grow far too fast for you to fathom. He is so cute. Ask yourself if you are ready to leave him for 2 days even for you and Andy time. I dunno Jen....wish I could help. Good luck with your decisions.
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