Today my Husband put a lot of rage in my heart. I feel bad for doing this post even before I get the chance to talk to him about my feelings. But if he were at home, I could do so.
Saturday is Rugby day. I have known this for the last 4 years. Hubs decided not to play this year after we had a lengthy conversation about how he is self employed, and if he were to get hurt this year as bad as he did last year we would not have an abundant income should he be unable to work. (Last year was a broken eye socket and a concussion.)
This year, every home game we have to go and watch. I do not understand the game, and still I tag along to be supportive. I chat with the other wives, and Hudson gets to visit with the other babies.
Today there was a home game. I did not want to go at all. I did end up going, only because we have not seen much of Andy these days, and though it would be a quick couple of hours there before we could do something together as a family.
So after he is driving like he is on a mission, we get there a few minutes late. I made the mistake of letting him go ahead because Hudson was sleeping. I round up the stroller, and head over to catch up for a bit with some of the wives. After the game, we go back to the clubhouse so Andy can have a beer or two.... A short while later Andy is not around. I get tired of wondering where he is, and make it up in my mind that I am going home. The little dude and I have had a long week with his teeth, and he missed his nap earlier in the afternoon anyway.
Just as I start packing up to go home, Andy appears. I let him know that we needed to do a diaper change and a nap. He gets a long face, and a bit huffy because I said that we had been there long enough, and wanted to go home. He gets all pissy about how I never want to do anything and that I am BORING. (Good thing he has the rest of his life to be stuck with his boring wife!)
I simply asked him what he would like to do other than hang out and drink beer. I do not drink at all when I am out with Hudson and driving, and they did not have water or even a pop there. It's hot and sunny out and I want to go... End of story. We can make a plan in the car or when we get home! It was 5:30, and we should make a plan for dinner anyway.
He wants to stay. I gave him his phone and drove away.
I get home, do the diaper change, put Hudson down for a short nap. I sent Andy a text, explaining to him that it breaks my heart that he thinks that I/We are so boring. Have a good time with his buddies, and call when you want a ride to come home. I hope he feels guilty.
Really I do.
I would feel bad if he never got to do anything EVER, but just a few days ago he went on his Man/fishing trip. Gimme a break.
Is it wrong of me to want to do things as a family? Am I over reacting?
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Fresh New Look
After being reminded numerous times that my previous blog page was too hard too read because the black outlines were too distracting, I finally gave an effort to change it.
I have just been granted a bit of alone time to regroup after spending the day with my son, who today got his 3rd tooth in a little over a week. Man, it's tough... and I am exhausted. Honestly, I should have used this time to sleep!
Nonetheless, I hope that this one is more suitable for your viewing pleasure!
I have just been granted a bit of alone time to regroup after spending the day with my son, who today got his 3rd tooth in a little over a week. Man, it's tough... and I am exhausted. Honestly, I should have used this time to sleep!
Nonetheless, I hope that this one is more suitable for your viewing pleasure!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Tuesday Morning Bitch Session
I am staring at the keyboard, not really sure how this post is going to turn out. Nothing exciting to report, just feel the need to touch base.
My usually peppy self feels like it's taking a backseat. I am thinking that it is party due to the fact that Hudson's teething is wearing me out. He is still his usual happy-go-lucky self in the day, but at night he is back to the shitty sleeping patterns. He generally sleeps pretty sound until 3'ish and has been getting up every hour there after. I am beat. His 3 teeth actually look like they have gone down today. WTF?
I had full intentions of getting up before Andy had went to work and going for a speed walk/jog to get my day started. I am kind of in idle mode in the weight department (I am not far from where I want to be, but still...). After getting up again last night every hour, I felt as though there were weights in my heavy eyelids and figured I may end up falling on my head for lack of co-ordination from it. I need to get my butt in gear again, because in 6 weeks from now it's going to be starting to get cold and miserable out and I will lose my oompf. I am going to go as soon as he gets in the door tonite from work. It will be hot out then, but it'll have to do.
The house has been listed for about 3 1/2 weeks now, and I am getting sick and tired of having to leave all of the time so that it can be shown. I am more than annoyed at the thought of rando's looking through my shit and not benefiting from it.
Andy has been offered a full time coaching position this winter for the Junior B team. He is torn, because he was the one that was hell bent on moving and in the other hand, hockey is his life and the opportunity is right in front of him.
I have been playing with the dreaded though of having to return to work alot lately. I realize that I have until December 1st to enjoy my time with my son, but I can't help but wonder if my decision of going back part time is the best option. I do not like the idea of him growing up under the guidance of a babysitter. Life is short, and I do not want to miss out on alot of things because I am working. On another note, when you make good $... you are not limited to what you can do in your free time. I know that if we only had my part time wage, we would have no other choice than to make it work with the limited income. I just see how frustrated I am, for example on a day like today-- my EI was deposited, the mortgage came out and my money is gone. I now have to depend on Hubs to transfer money to give me a shot at freedom. I used to make fat cash, and I can hear it calling me in the back of my mind. Going back part time for an hourly rate would pay me 1/4 of the salary annually.
It stings a bit. No, it stings alot. What to do?
I feel a lot like Cinderella again lately. Admittedly; I am a neat freak, but I feel almost taken for granted. Dinner is cooked, cookies are baked, toilets are clean, laundry is done. It seems like I am burnt out. There are pink jobs and blue jobs in our house, but it seems that pink is doing all of the jobs. Team blue did make the bed last night after the sheets were washed because team pink was tired from the 3 hour sleep the previous night. Also, team blue let the baby's bottle leak formula all over the sheets that morning while team pink made a jaunt to the store. Nevertheless, thanks for making the bed.
I think that I need to go and do something socially. Not out boozing it up and afraid of what the next morning will feel like-- even just something where I can get dressed up and wear some heels, pack around a clutch rather than my huge purse that is doubles as a diaper bag. Not sure what I would do, or where I would go. I know that if I wanted to do such a thing Andy would likely be jealous and would want to tag along. Even if he gets to go on man trips, family free.
The whole situation with my Mom is still eating away at me. I thought about writing her a letter, but likely would end up being a waste of my time and the thought of hurting her (even if she does need an eye opener) just doesn't seem worth while. I am sure that I will cave, and sweep things under the rug. Pretend like she never bailed on us and never bothered to call. I know that I am the better person. I would like to think that she will apologize for it in our next conversation.
Fuck it.
I truly wish that my family was less dysfunctional, likely one of the downfalls of having a scattered family. I wish that all of the energy wasted on bitching and complaining about one another would end. I have grown tired of the whos got what, and whos doing what. The they don't call, therefore they don't care attitude sucks ass. Pick up the fucking phone and make the effort, and not just on birthdays. I hate that we only hear about one another if it's big news. It seems very cliche for me to say that I WISH THAT EVERYONE WOULD JUST GET ALONG!
Life is too short, let's make the most of it!
Well, I am sure that my lists of complaints could go on and on, but I must go mow the lawn while the little dude sleeps. They are showing the house at 1:30.
*sigh*
My usually peppy self feels like it's taking a backseat. I am thinking that it is party due to the fact that Hudson's teething is wearing me out. He is still his usual happy-go-lucky self in the day, but at night he is back to the shitty sleeping patterns. He generally sleeps pretty sound until 3'ish and has been getting up every hour there after. I am beat. His 3 teeth actually look like they have gone down today. WTF?
I had full intentions of getting up before Andy had went to work and going for a speed walk/jog to get my day started. I am kind of in idle mode in the weight department (I am not far from where I want to be, but still...). After getting up again last night every hour, I felt as though there were weights in my heavy eyelids and figured I may end up falling on my head for lack of co-ordination from it. I need to get my butt in gear again, because in 6 weeks from now it's going to be starting to get cold and miserable out and I will lose my oompf. I am going to go as soon as he gets in the door tonite from work. It will be hot out then, but it'll have to do.
The house has been listed for about 3 1/2 weeks now, and I am getting sick and tired of having to leave all of the time so that it can be shown. I am more than annoyed at the thought of rando's looking through my shit and not benefiting from it.
Andy has been offered a full time coaching position this winter for the Junior B team. He is torn, because he was the one that was hell bent on moving and in the other hand, hockey is his life and the opportunity is right in front of him.
I have been playing with the dreaded though of having to return to work alot lately. I realize that I have until December 1st to enjoy my time with my son, but I can't help but wonder if my decision of going back part time is the best option. I do not like the idea of him growing up under the guidance of a babysitter. Life is short, and I do not want to miss out on alot of things because I am working. On another note, when you make good $... you are not limited to what you can do in your free time. I know that if we only had my part time wage, we would have no other choice than to make it work with the limited income. I just see how frustrated I am, for example on a day like today-- my EI was deposited, the mortgage came out and my money is gone. I now have to depend on Hubs to transfer money to give me a shot at freedom. I used to make fat cash, and I can hear it calling me in the back of my mind. Going back part time for an hourly rate would pay me 1/4 of the salary annually.
It stings a bit. No, it stings alot. What to do?
I feel a lot like Cinderella again lately. Admittedly; I am a neat freak, but I feel almost taken for granted. Dinner is cooked, cookies are baked, toilets are clean, laundry is done. It seems like I am burnt out. There are pink jobs and blue jobs in our house, but it seems that pink is doing all of the jobs. Team blue did make the bed last night after the sheets were washed because team pink was tired from the 3 hour sleep the previous night. Also, team blue let the baby's bottle leak formula all over the sheets that morning while team pink made a jaunt to the store. Nevertheless, thanks for making the bed.
I think that I need to go and do something socially. Not out boozing it up and afraid of what the next morning will feel like-- even just something where I can get dressed up and wear some heels, pack around a clutch rather than my huge purse that is doubles as a diaper bag. Not sure what I would do, or where I would go. I know that if I wanted to do such a thing Andy would likely be jealous and would want to tag along. Even if he gets to go on man trips, family free.
The whole situation with my Mom is still eating away at me. I thought about writing her a letter, but likely would end up being a waste of my time and the thought of hurting her (even if she does need an eye opener) just doesn't seem worth while. I am sure that I will cave, and sweep things under the rug. Pretend like she never bailed on us and never bothered to call. I know that I am the better person. I would like to think that she will apologize for it in our next conversation.
Fuck it.
I truly wish that my family was less dysfunctional, likely one of the downfalls of having a scattered family. I wish that all of the energy wasted on bitching and complaining about one another would end. I have grown tired of the whos got what, and whos doing what. The they don't call, therefore they don't care attitude sucks ass. Pick up the fucking phone and make the effort, and not just on birthdays. I hate that we only hear about one another if it's big news. It seems very cliche for me to say that I WISH THAT EVERYONE WOULD JUST GET ALONG!
Life is too short, let's make the most of it!
Well, I am sure that my lists of complaints could go on and on, but I must go mow the lawn while the little dude sleeps. They are showing the house at 1:30.
*sigh*
Friday, August 14, 2009
Where's the Keys?
I have been slacking in the posting department lately, I have just simply been flat out busy.
Hubs went on yet another Man Trip, and I am totally jealous. He goes on this annual fishing trip on the ocean in PR with some guys from back home. I think that this is his 5th year in a row. I am jealous... Not about the fishing trip, but a touch on the bitter side in regards to his freedom that he still gets after having our son. I was blessed with yet another sleepless night from a restless baby. Good times.
I am at my Sister's while he is away, I miss her! Another one of the reasons for my visit was the opportunity to have a visit with my Mom. She has only met Hudson the one time, and I thought it would be a spectacular idea to meet her half way-- which is at Talia's house.
Once again, she let me down. She was not able to get the time off, after she reassured me that she would before I started to make plans to meet her. She never even had the audacity to even call to let me know that she would not be able to make it. Still haven't heard form her. I don't know why I let her get to me, it's not like I should even be surprised. I think that this may be the last straw.
Sadly, I am done.
I vow to be a good Mother, never ever would I want my children to feel about me the way that we do about her. It breaks my heart.
Sister and I decided to take a trip into the city yesterday. She bought a new mini van the week before, and wanted to go in to arrange a plan to get her DVD player installed. We did so, and went for a over-priced shabby lunch. We did some shopping, and made one last stop at W.nner's.
It was time to go home. Talia put the bags in the back of the van, and put Finley in her seat. I had already put Hudson in his seat, and went around back to put the stroller away. I slam down the liftgate, and my sister come flying around the corner of the van with her arms waving.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she screams! I told you not to close the doors because Finley hit the lock while she was playing with her keys. I never heard her tell me, I swear! Where are the keys?!?! Inside with the kids.
So the two babies are now locked in the vehicle in front of the store. My heart is in my throat. Talia gets on her phone and proceeds to make calls first to her dealership, and next to Roadside. Both places are a fucking joke. We are in a crisis, and they keep putting her on hold over and over again only to come back with a series of stupid questions like mileage on her vehicle and street addresses and shit like that. I think she should kick up a fuss and make an issue about it. Accidents happen all the time, but the process of fixing it all was a fucking joke.
Thank God it wasn't hot out.
All the while that she was on the phone, this woman comes up behind me and is chirping in my ear asking the two of us if we left our bank card in the store because she saw one there. I give the dirtiest look ever with my bitch lines in full force and shooing her away with both hands. She's all stunned looking, but soon got the hint. I am looking at the windows on the van thinking to myself which one was going to be the least expensive to replace should I smash one out to get the kids out. I refocus. Glass all over the van would not be cool, but would if I had to.
I look around the parking lot thinking about how dry my mouth is and to my surprise, there was a tow truck! There may as well be a beam of light shining down on it from the heavens!!! I ran like the wind! I super sprinted to the tow truck driver and was nearly choking on my tongue trying to tell him that there were babies locked in the van and he needed to get them out. I pointed like a crazy lady letting him know where the van was located. He finished his boost, and was over in a jiff. Talia is shoving money at him, and he doesn't even know who she is. Covering the groundwork he raced around the van, and had the door open in about 4 seconds. It was amazing. Thank you Ron. I even offered this old man a kiss because I was so overjoyed. I just may have even payed up because the whole experience was a blurr.
That was by far the scariest day since Hudson had since his barfing epidemic a couple of months back. (To this day he still won't eat peas.)
I am not sure what I would have done yesterday if I was to be there by myself, and I think my sister is going to keep and extra key in her purse.
Hubs went on yet another Man Trip, and I am totally jealous. He goes on this annual fishing trip on the ocean in PR with some guys from back home. I think that this is his 5th year in a row. I am jealous... Not about the fishing trip, but a touch on the bitter side in regards to his freedom that he still gets after having our son. I was blessed with yet another sleepless night from a restless baby. Good times.
I am at my Sister's while he is away, I miss her! Another one of the reasons for my visit was the opportunity to have a visit with my Mom. She has only met Hudson the one time, and I thought it would be a spectacular idea to meet her half way-- which is at Talia's house.
Once again, she let me down. She was not able to get the time off, after she reassured me that she would before I started to make plans to meet her. She never even had the audacity to even call to let me know that she would not be able to make it. Still haven't heard form her. I don't know why I let her get to me, it's not like I should even be surprised. I think that this may be the last straw.
Sadly, I am done.
I vow to be a good Mother, never ever would I want my children to feel about me the way that we do about her. It breaks my heart.
Sister and I decided to take a trip into the city yesterday. She bought a new mini van the week before, and wanted to go in to arrange a plan to get her DVD player installed. We did so, and went for a over-priced shabby lunch. We did some shopping, and made one last stop at W.nner's.
It was time to go home. Talia put the bags in the back of the van, and put Finley in her seat. I had already put Hudson in his seat, and went around back to put the stroller away. I slam down the liftgate, and my sister come flying around the corner of the van with her arms waving.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she screams! I told you not to close the doors because Finley hit the lock while she was playing with her keys. I never heard her tell me, I swear! Where are the keys?!?! Inside with the kids.
So the two babies are now locked in the vehicle in front of the store. My heart is in my throat. Talia gets on her phone and proceeds to make calls first to her dealership, and next to Roadside. Both places are a fucking joke. We are in a crisis, and they keep putting her on hold over and over again only to come back with a series of stupid questions like mileage on her vehicle and street addresses and shit like that. I think she should kick up a fuss and make an issue about it. Accidents happen all the time, but the process of fixing it all was a fucking joke.
Thank God it wasn't hot out.
All the while that she was on the phone, this woman comes up behind me and is chirping in my ear asking the two of us if we left our bank card in the store because she saw one there. I give the dirtiest look ever with my bitch lines in full force and shooing her away with both hands. She's all stunned looking, but soon got the hint. I am looking at the windows on the van thinking to myself which one was going to be the least expensive to replace should I smash one out to get the kids out. I refocus. Glass all over the van would not be cool, but would if I had to.
I look around the parking lot thinking about how dry my mouth is and to my surprise, there was a tow truck! There may as well be a beam of light shining down on it from the heavens!!! I ran like the wind! I super sprinted to the tow truck driver and was nearly choking on my tongue trying to tell him that there were babies locked in the van and he needed to get them out. I pointed like a crazy lady letting him know where the van was located. He finished his boost, and was over in a jiff. Talia is shoving money at him, and he doesn't even know who she is. Covering the groundwork he raced around the van, and had the door open in about 4 seconds. It was amazing. Thank you Ron. I even offered this old man a kiss because I was so overjoyed. I just may have even payed up because the whole experience was a blurr.
That was by far the scariest day since Hudson had since his barfing epidemic a couple of months back. (To this day he still won't eat peas.)
I am not sure what I would have done yesterday if I was to be there by myself, and I think my sister is going to keep and extra key in her purse.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
2 New Teeth!
Hudson has had the same solo tooth for about 6 or so weeks now. Being a bit fussy and chewing his hands and teether like mad lately, I have been checking his lower gums looking for the partner to the first one.
Nothing.
Yesterday, I was feeding him chunks of banana and just by pure fluke I rubbed my finger along his top gums. To my surprise, there was a tooth! I felt a little more, and there was not one tooth... but two! Both eye teeth!
With the one he has on the bottom, and now the two upper eye teeth-- I am thinking that unless more teeth come in that my son is soon going to resemble a jack-o-lantern!
Nothing.
Yesterday, I was feeding him chunks of banana and just by pure fluke I rubbed my finger along his top gums. To my surprise, there was a tooth! I felt a little more, and there was not one tooth... but two! Both eye teeth!
With the one he has on the bottom, and now the two upper eye teeth-- I am thinking that unless more teeth come in that my son is soon going to resemble a jack-o-lantern!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Weekend Update
Well, we went camping for the long weekend. We were originally supposed to go to the Okanagan for Hubs' brother's 50th birthday bash, but Andy shit the bed and never got his butt in gear to get a plan together for us to attend. He was a bit bent about it, but fine with me.
I have determined that I really do not have the overall love for camping. I do not sleep well, and definitely do not eat well. What I do truly like about camping though, is the socialness of it all. The more people around, the better. This weekend there was quite the group together out there from the Rugby team, and everyone had a baby last year so it was pretty chill. It was great. I even went out on the boat and did some tubing. I was a bit apprehensive to go out -- not sure why... In the back of my mind I was worried about my Little Dude should I happen to drown. Ridiculous? Once I got out there, I was out for atleast an hour. It was so much fun that I could not even straighten my arms out the next day from my muscles being so sore!
Ah... I am getting old. And lame.
We are going camping again this weekend... to Tumbler Ridge. Supposed to be absolutely beautiful there. Andy's best buddy is running a marathon there, and we are going for support. Yeah, the chubs are strictly spectators there for support. I also have an old friend that lives there who I will hopefully catch up with.
Here is a couple of photos of Hudson from this past weekend.
1. Hanging with a couple friends...
2. Future Rugby Player?
3. A little roughhousing already?
I have determined that I really do not have the overall love for camping. I do not sleep well, and definitely do not eat well. What I do truly like about camping though, is the socialness of it all. The more people around, the better. This weekend there was quite the group together out there from the Rugby team, and everyone had a baby last year so it was pretty chill. It was great. I even went out on the boat and did some tubing. I was a bit apprehensive to go out -- not sure why... In the back of my mind I was worried about my Little Dude should I happen to drown. Ridiculous? Once I got out there, I was out for atleast an hour. It was so much fun that I could not even straighten my arms out the next day from my muscles being so sore!
Ah... I am getting old. And lame.
We are going camping again this weekend... to Tumbler Ridge. Supposed to be absolutely beautiful there. Andy's best buddy is running a marathon there, and we are going for support. Yeah, the chubs are strictly spectators there for support. I also have an old friend that lives there who I will hopefully catch up with.
Here is a couple of photos of Hudson from this past weekend.
1. Hanging with a couple friends...
2. Future Rugby Player?
3. A little roughhousing already?
Thursday, July 30, 2009
The Old Me?
I feel quite silly even writing this post. I started it once the other day, and deleted it because I thought it was pointless. I am still thinking about it, so I must share my thoughts even if I am still unsure of how to approach this post.
I know that anyone that has internet likely has their own FB account, where you post pictures of your life keeping people in the loop. It's great for that. I will admit... I am still addicted to it. Checking it on a daily basis, often more than once. (Being home with my baby has turned me into quite a computer addict. I check in first thing in the morning one-handed while I feed him, and I am on here again while he's napping.)
So, back to the FB thing. I look along the right side of the screen, scrolling through people's posted photos. As I am snooping away, I see not one-- but two of my friends have their 3-D baby ultrasound photos posted. I completely understand the reasoning behind posting them there, as I posted one of Hudson to show it off. It is amazing, and you want to share it!
I click away, looking at photo after photo.
As I am clicking away, for some stupid reason I am getting upset. Not sure of these feelings were jealously or sadness. I felt like the old me was sitting here in front of the computer.
The old me-- the infertile.
I logged out and went upstairs to sit on the other end of the couch from Andy. He took one look at me, and asked me what was up. I replied that I was unsure why I was feeling the way that I was from looking at these US pics. I explained that it felt like I had a dark cloud over my head, and I missed all of those things.
Really?!?
As I sit here now, shaking my head... I know full well that it is not something that I would want right now. I am MORE than overjoyed with my little dude. Our days are full with just him, and I would be content with only having him in my life. All the of the work and the 7 years that I waited to have him will NEVER be taken for granted.
He is only 7 months old, and I know that I don't have the 'itch' for another one yet. He is so much fun now, with his own personality and showing a bit of independence. I also am slowly starting to regain my former shape, not just the weight part of it all. Energy is up, and we are doing more things other than trips to the grocery store or the Mommy group. My thighs still rub together, and I would love to be a heck of a lot smaller than I presently am before I would even think about another attempt at IVF.
So what gives? Why do I feel like this?
It is not like we will never have another try at having more children. We do have 9 frozen embryos waiting for us when the time is right. We have a few chances there, even if success rates are not as high. But like I said, if my son is meant to be my one and only-- then so be it. I am okay with that. Really, I am.
The infertile in me, will it ever go away?
I know that anyone that has internet likely has their own FB account, where you post pictures of your life keeping people in the loop. It's great for that. I will admit... I am still addicted to it. Checking it on a daily basis, often more than once. (Being home with my baby has turned me into quite a computer addict. I check in first thing in the morning one-handed while I feed him, and I am on here again while he's napping.)
So, back to the FB thing. I look along the right side of the screen, scrolling through people's posted photos. As I am snooping away, I see not one-- but two of my friends have their 3-D baby ultrasound photos posted. I completely understand the reasoning behind posting them there, as I posted one of Hudson to show it off. It is amazing, and you want to share it!
I click away, looking at photo after photo.
As I am clicking away, for some stupid reason I am getting upset. Not sure of these feelings were jealously or sadness. I felt like the old me was sitting here in front of the computer.
The old me-- the infertile.
I logged out and went upstairs to sit on the other end of the couch from Andy. He took one look at me, and asked me what was up. I replied that I was unsure why I was feeling the way that I was from looking at these US pics. I explained that it felt like I had a dark cloud over my head, and I missed all of those things.
Really?!?
As I sit here now, shaking my head... I know full well that it is not something that I would want right now. I am MORE than overjoyed with my little dude. Our days are full with just him, and I would be content with only having him in my life. All the of the work and the 7 years that I waited to have him will NEVER be taken for granted.
He is only 7 months old, and I know that I don't have the 'itch' for another one yet. He is so much fun now, with his own personality and showing a bit of independence. I also am slowly starting to regain my former shape, not just the weight part of it all. Energy is up, and we are doing more things other than trips to the grocery store or the Mommy group. My thighs still rub together, and I would love to be a heck of a lot smaller than I presently am before I would even think about another attempt at IVF.
So what gives? Why do I feel like this?
It is not like we will never have another try at having more children. We do have 9 frozen embryos waiting for us when the time is right. We have a few chances there, even if success rates are not as high. But like I said, if my son is meant to be my one and only-- then so be it. I am okay with that. Really, I am.
The infertile in me, will it ever go away?
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