Traded High Heels... For Stroller Wheels

Last Post

2009-09-15T15:41:00.005-05:00

This will be my last post for this blog.

Sadly, I will be creating a new blog. A PRIVATE blog. A blog address that will be given out to people that are close to me, and are truly reading it because they enjoy reading it just as much as I enjoy writing it. This was about my personal life, I have even gone into some detail at some points. About my life with my family and my son.

The reason behind making a new one is strictly because of one person.

All of the time that I have put into this blog making a personal thing and adding my photos and the comments... worthless. I hope you feel good about yourself.

I am crushed.

I truly thought that I had only given out my address to a few people that I am close to (but am thankful for those fellow bloggers that have found me and check in). I had a connection with this one certain girl (so I thought) -- whom I won't name. I thought we clicked. I guess that's Karma biting me in the ass for being nice.

I know it's you. I have done my homework.

So, I am not going to go into any further detail, but when you are standing around the water cooler... you can pass it along that I am uncertain about where my next home will be. We have not made any decisions as a family, let alone to be made public. I hope that airing my personal life has brought you some great gossip.

Have a great day.

*Anyone that would like my new blog address when I get time to create one after packing and finding a place; please either get a hold of me via Facebook, leave me just your first name on here in the comment box (I'll know who you are) or through email. Thanks.

Can You Smell That?

2009-09-10T09:45:00.005-05:00

This was SO funny at the time... I can only hope that I can put it into words to make you laugh as well.

Andy and I were driving back from K town on Tuesday, I usually sit in the back with Hudson and fold the front passenger seat down so it's wide open. Hudson gets some hands-0n entertainment for the long journey, and I stretch out. It's a win/win situation.

At the last minute we decided to bring my brother back home with us. Andy needed another helper for work, and Chris could use the money. Dad hadn't seen him since the short visit at Christmas. He jumps in the front seat and I stay in the back.

After driving for a while, we have to stop and do a diaper change. I do so, and after picking up a few things and stretching out we are back on the road. A short while later, Chris looks over his shoulder and asks me if Hudson pooped again.

I do the *Mommy-smell check* and tell him, 'No'.

Chris is in the front, and he's smelling around; "Snnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiifff.... haaaaaaaaaaaa."

"I smell poop!" he says.

And again.

"Snnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiifff.... Haaaaaaaaaaa," Taking in all the air his lungs will allow.

"NO, I SMELL POOP!"

He's getting revved up about it. So I do another smell check, and nothing.

"Snnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiffffffffff... Haaaaaaaaaaaa." He sucks up more air. And even more.

"THAT'S POOP!!! YEAH!! THAT'S POOP FOR SURE!!!"

I smell nothing.

I look over at Andy, and he's busting a gut laughing. It was him!!!!! Chris is now choking and gagging, and we were laughing to the point of tears.

Life Lately

2009-09-09T12:43:00.004-05:00

My head is spinning out of control.

I have so much that I want to post about. However, I do not have the time. I have packing to do. My little family has to be out of our home by the 25th of this month... Our family has no home to move to. I know that we have our spacious holiday trailer that will definately get us by, and there is always the option of staying at my Dad's place if need be.

I am awake all hours of the night, thinking. Fall asleep fine, and then at 2 am to 5 am... awake. (Maybe I should give T a call.) Hudson is up at 7:30 or so, only giving me a couple of hours a night. My mind gets away from me, and even with all of the thinking that I am doing nothing seems to be getting resolved. I am stressed to the MAX. If it were spring, I would not have half of this anxiety. We could build a house, and take our time to have it the way that we (I) want it.

Clearly not an option.

Andy also has thrown the idea of relocating into the mix. We went away for the weekend and looked at 32 houses in just 2 days. It is so hard! Either you get a new house with absolutely no yard (not really an option when the little man and the dog will need space), or an old shack with a great yard. You can wish for a package deal in one hand, and shit in the other.

We (He) found a house that is in a fair price range, and has a great yard and a pool ( I would have to fence it off with a baby and a dog). It is desert-hot there so the pool would be great I am sure. The house has potential, and with Andy's capable hands I am sure that I could have a great house. A couple of downfalls though, It is an 8 hour drive away from here and it could be costly to relocate. I will keep you updated.

I have family here, friends here, work here, daycare set up here, nail clients here. What I am trying to say is, I have a life here. I love security, and that's what it all boils down to. I hate change.

Andy says that sometimes change is good.

Another thing tht I am pissy about is that my birthday was on Monday, and it was just a day. An ordinary day. I was feeling a bit blue and feeling sorry for myself from the lack of sleep trend, and house hunting in another province. Not that I am expecting anything (really I am not)... Buuuuuuut... Andy usually goes out of his way for my birthday. He always has. I may have gotten my hopes up a bit. We did for dinner, but I had no appetite.

He did however, buy me something that is off getting sized. Rather than looking at it, I told him to hang onto it and when it comes in and he picks it up to give it to me then --and I will even act surprised. I would like him to put forth and effort to create a 'birthday' whatever the date of the month is. I do not have much excitement (or positive) these days in my life, and he needs to pull his head out of his ass. Monetary things are great, yes, but I still need to feel appreciated. I would do it for him, even if it came down to plugging an easy-bake oven into the car adapter and whipping up a 'cake' in the back seat. (I would.)

My migraines are becoming quite frequent, and my stomach is constantly hurting and bloated. I have not been eating worth a lick, food just doesn't taste so good after the initail bite or two. I know that the next 2 weeks are going to be crazy, and everything will work out. Maybe then I will feel good again.

I have signed up (and paid so there is no backing out now) to walk/jog the 1/2 marathon in Kelowna on October 13th. It is 21.1 km's, and I truly am looking forward to it. I have not decided yet if I am going to take Hudson in the jogger stroller yet. Even if I am the second last (I would never allow myself to be last), I am still doing it, and doing it for myself. Training to walk that far may just keep me focused to lose that last 15 lbs that is hanging around.

The little dude is doing well, very vocal with his new sounds. He pulls himself up on pantlegs and such, and pushes himself backwards and rolls around to get to where he wants to be. Baby food is quickly becoming a thing of the past, grilled cheese is his new favorite lunch. He is awesome, and I am thankful for him bringing me back to earth when I feel like I can't take anymore lately.

Whew! I feel a bit better. Everything happens for a reason, and I can't wait to look back and see what all this stress amounts to.

IBTC...

2009-09-03T15:01:00.003-05:00

The Itty-Bitty-Titty-Committee called today. They said that they were more than happy to welcome me back!

I have officially stopped breastfeeding all together, and the boobs-- they are a shrinkin'! Little dude was biting me every time, even while half asleep. I tried to keep going... but, it is what it is. We had a good go, we did our best. He seems to be doing okay with just formula now, and I am feeling okay physically.

So far, so good.

All Good Things Come To An End

2009-08-31T10:46:00.002-05:00

All good things really do come to an end, and in Hudson's case it is so very true. Sadly, his breastfeeding days are drawing to a close. As much as I know he loves it, it is time.

Before I had even gotten pregnant, I was quite adamant that breastfeeding was not for me. When I did finally get pregnant, I questioned it and put more of a serious thought into it. Then when he arrived, the nurse put him in my arms for the first time to be fed I didn't even hesitate. Without question, I wanted to.

It was by far the hardest thing I have ever done. In the beginning I remember gripping the chair because it was so painful. He couldn't latch properly, and I can recall the frustration like it was yesterday. However, I persevered and I was proud of myself for sticking to it.

It has gone well. The convenience of not washing bottles, quickly jumping in the back seat of the vehicle while out shopping, cuddling up in the morning and whipping the boob out in bed to get that extra wink of sleep. Looking down on his chubby little cheeks knowing that you are responsible for creating them is a pretty remarkable feeling as well.

However, I have been bit 5 times this week. I am not talking about a quick little nip here... I have checked for blood and teeth marks. I even tried to 'fake' a cry after he did it the third time, and he laughed! I just think that if he is biting, then he must be over it. My initial goal was to make it to 9 months so that the transition to cow's milk wasn't so hard. He is 3 weeks away from that mark, and I have given it a pretty good go already. It saddens me a little knowing it will soon be over, but I would love to keep my nipples in tact.

He does do the formula now. I have been giving him bottles when I am out, and one before bed to fill him up for the night. I hope the full time bottle transition goes well. He knows where the real deal is, and he frantically goes from side to side on the outside of my shirt when he wants it. I hope to make this the most pain-free for the two of us as possible. Maybe letting him have it only in the morning until we give it up completely. The horror stories I have heard about the pain of drying up frightens the hell out of me.

So, here we go. No boob in the day... Day one.

The Dreaded Hair Appointment

2009-08-30T11:24:00.003-05:00

After a great debate, I went back to the same *gasp* hairdresser as last time.

Living through the hell of the last experience, I pondered back and forth on whether or not to go. I had two options:

A: Now that she has gone through the embarrassment of having me call her to undo the orange damage, and put nearly 8 hours of her time into 'fixing' it, she would learn from her lesson and redeem herself.

B: Go to a new hairdresser altogether and hope it doesn't happen again.

Choosing the first option, I went in for another evening appointment. There she stood in front of me, happy as a clam. It took everything in me to put forth a phony positive attitude in return. (Feelings were likely mutual) I sat down, and she proceeded to 'dig' through my hair. Same as last time, she decides that just my roots needed to be touched up. I take a deep breath an hope for the best. After all, this is how our last visit started out.

Foils are in, now we wait.

Kirby and the other 2 hairdressers that are there go to the back room with the door closed. With my mind getting away from me, I can't help but think that they are talking about me-- the Client From Hell. I am stewing in my chair, and cannot wait for this appointment to be over so I will never have to return again. I will tell everyone that I know how shitty this place is and what
I think of the lack of professionalism.

Out she comes, and we are ready for a rinse. Here we go, brace yourself for the burning scalp cause you know she's going to have to tone it 4 times again.

Nope. Nothing!

And..... She TOTALLY redeems herself with the head massage! The longest, most put-forth effort of a head massage. I am not going to lie, it was AMAZING! It went on forever, and I took it all in. Maybe my head was extra tense, or possibly that was what they were discussing in the back room? Whatever the case, she rocked it.

So, no toning... no orange roots... no burning scalp... no shitty cut*... and the best part... NO INSANE BILL!

Guess you are better off to go into the situation disappointed and be pleasantly surprised should things turn out for the good.

*I am going to be growing this hairstyle out a bit, preferably back to what it was a couple of appointments ago. I truly get compliments on it but I just don't feel like it's me.

A Remedy Please!

2009-08-25T17:58:00.005-05:00

My little Lovebug has a brutal cold. I would be talking about Hudson of course! It has been absolutely horrible. I try to keep in perspective of how the poor bugger must feel when I am on the verge of insanity.

But oooh.... the whining!!!!

He has a barky cough, a runny nose (the one thing in life that gags the hell out of me), non-stop sneezing, and sounds as though he could pass for a 14 year old boy going through puberty. I waited yesterday at the walk-in clinic for nearly 3 hours for the doctor to tell me that it is viral and it will pass in 3 days. Sounds croupy to me with really loud barking,but he assured me that it's not. Doc said it may have been triggered by getting 3 new teeth in a little over a week.

As soon as he is feeling better we are going to get back in the sleep routine. Lately it seems like he is awake every hour from 2 am-6am. (Like I said-- verge of insanity). I have been averaging about 4 hours a night total. I am sure he would get batter faster if he would just get the rest he needs. He is not eating solids worth a hoot and I don't want to force feed him, but I can't keep up with his demand. (He has bit me twice now.) I had been doing formula and breastfeeding 50/50, and now that he is feeling extra sucky he only wants me. God forbid I leave his sight! He's happy in the tub and in his stroller, but if he coughs in public I feel like people are looking down on me. The doctor did give me a prescription, but said to get the antibiotics should he get a fever because his lungs sound clear. He sounds wheezy and cannot breathe through his nose. I think maybe I should get it, but he's the one with the degree?

Is there something that I could do at home? I have the vaporizer in his room and have been using the Baby Vapo-Rub. Any suggestions?

*Quick update without pertaining to his cold at all...*

Looks like we will likely have our house sold. We have accepted an offer, and the last thing left to do is the inspection which is booked for Monday. If this offer falls through, we have been given a back up one. Two offers pending! Yes! Possession will be September 25th on either offer. That would give us a month to have some sort of a plan. As for now, nothing. It's scary, yet a bit exciting. I am a planner, and not having a plan seems strange. I will keep you posted.

Alone Time

2009-08-22T18:45:00.003-05:00

Today my Husband put a lot of rage in my heart. I feel bad for doing this post even before I get the chance to talk to him about my feelings. But if he were at home, I could do so.

Saturday is Rugby day. I have known this for the last 4 years. Hubs decided not to play this year after we had a lengthy conversation about how he is self employed, and if he were to get hurt this year as bad as he did last year we would not have an abundant income should he be unable to work. (Last year was a broken eye socket and a concussion.)

This year, every home game we have to go and watch. I do not understand the game, and still I tag along to be supportive. I chat with the other wives, and Hudson gets to visit with the other babies.

Today there was a home game. I did not want to go at all. I did end up going, only because we have not seen much of Andy these days, and though it would be a quick couple of hours there before we could do something together as a family.

So after he is driving like he is on a mission, we get there a few minutes late. I made the mistake of letting him go ahead because Hudson was sleeping. I round up the stroller, and head over to catch up for a bit with some of the wives. After the game, we go back to the clubhouse so Andy can have a beer or two.... A short while later Andy is not around. I get tired of wondering where he is, and make it up in my mind that I am going home. The little dude and I have had a long week with his teeth, and he missed his nap earlier in the afternoon anyway.

Just as I start packing up to go home, Andy appears. I let him know that we needed to do a diaper change and a nap. He gets a long face, and a bit huffy because I said that we had been there long enough, and wanted to go home. He gets all pissy about how I never want to do anything and that I am BORING. (Good thing he has the rest of his life to be stuck with his boring wife!)

I simply asked him what he would like to do other than hang out and drink beer. I do not drink at all when I am out with Hudson and driving, and they did not have water or even a pop there. It's hot and sunny out and I want to go... End of story. We can make a plan in the car or when we get home! It was 5:30, and we should make a plan for dinner anyway.

He wants to stay. I gave him his phone and drove away.

I get home, do the diaper change, put Hudson down for a short nap. I sent Andy a text, explaining to him that it breaks my heart that he thinks that I/We are so boring. Have a good time with his buddies, and call when you want a ride to come home. I hope he feels guilty.

Really I do.

I would feel bad if he never got to do anything EVER, but just a few days ago he went on his Man/fishing trip. Gimme a break.

Is it wrong of me to want to do things as a family? Am I over reacting?

Fresh New Look

2009-08-21T21:31:00.002-05:00

After being reminded numerous times that my previous blog page was too hard too read because the black outlines were too distracting, I finally gave an effort to change it.

I have just been granted a bit of alone time to regroup after spending the day with my son, who today got his 3rd tooth in a little over a week. Man, it's tough... and I am exhausted. Honestly, I should have used this time to sleep!

Nonetheless, I hope that this one is more suitable for your viewing pleasure!

Tuesday Morning Bitch Session

2009-08-18T10:51:00.003-05:00

I am staring at the keyboard, not really sure how this post is going to turn out. Nothing exciting to report, just feel the need to touch base.

My usually peppy self feels like it's taking a backseat. I am thinking that it is party due to the fact that Hudson's teething is wearing me out. He is still his usual happy-go-lucky self in the day, but at night he is back to the shitty sleeping patterns. He generally sleeps pretty sound until 3'ish and has been getting up every hour there after. I am beat. His 3 teeth actually look like they have gone down today. WTF?

I had full intentions of getting up before Andy had went to work and going for a speed walk/jog to get my day started. I am kind of in idle mode in the weight department (I am not far from where I want to be, but still...). After getting up again last night every hour, I felt as though there were weights in my heavy eyelids and figured I may end up falling on my head for lack of co-ordination from it. I need to get my butt in gear again, because in 6 weeks from now it's going to be starting to get cold and miserable out and I will lose my oompf. I am going to go as soon as he gets in the door tonite from work. It will be hot out then, but it'll have to do.

The house has been listed for about 3 1/2 weeks now, and I am getting sick and tired of having to leave all of the time so that it can be shown. I am more than annoyed at the thought of rando's looking through my shit and not benefiting from it.

Andy has been offered a full time coaching position this winter for the Junior B team. He is torn, because he was the one that was hell bent on moving and in the other hand, hockey is his life and the opportunity is right in front of him.

I have been playing with the dreaded though of having to return to work alot lately. I realize that I have until December 1st to enjoy my time with my son, but I can't help but wonder if my decision of going back part time is the best option. I do not like the idea of him growing up under the guidance of a babysitter. Life is short, and I do not want to miss out on alot of things because I am working. On another note, when you make good $... you are not limited to what you can do in your free time. I know that if we only had my part time wage, we would have no other choice than to make it work with the limited income. I just see how frustrated I am, for example on a day like today-- my EI was deposited, the mortgage came out and my money is gone. I now have to depend on Hubs to transfer money to give me a shot at freedom. I used to make fat cash, and I can hear it calling me in the back of my mind. Going back part time for an hourly rate would pay me 1/4 of the salary annually.

It stings a bit. No, it stings alot. What to do?

I feel a lot like Cinderella again lately. Admittedly; I am a neat freak, but I feel almost taken for granted. Dinner is cooked, cookies are baked, toilets are clean, laundry is done. It seems like I am burnt out. There are pink jobs and blue jobs in our house, but it seems that pink is doing all of the jobs. Team blue did make the bed last night after the sheets were washed because team pink was tired from the 3 hour sleep the previous night. Also, team blue let the baby's bottle leak formula all over the sheets that morning while team pink made a jaunt to the store. Nevertheless, thanks for making the bed.

I think that I need to go and do something socially. Not out boozing it up and afraid of what the next morning will feel like-- even just something where I can get dressed up and wear some heels, pack around a clutch rather than my huge purse that is doubles as a diaper bag. Not sure what I would do, or where I would go. I know that if I wanted to do such a thing Andy would likely be jealous and would want to tag along. Even if he gets to go on man trips, family free.

The whole situation with my Mom is still eating away at me. I thought about writing her a letter, but likely would end up being a waste of my time and the thought of hurting her (even if she does need an eye opener) just doesn't seem worth while. I am sure that I will cave, and sweep things under the rug. Pretend like she never bailed on us and never bothered to call. I know that I am the better person. I would like to think that she will apologize for it in our next conversation.

Fuck it.

I truly wish that my family was less dysfunctional, likely one of the downfalls of having a scattered family. I wish that all of the energy wasted on bitching and complaining about one another would end. I have grown tired of the whos got what, and whos doing what. The they don't call, therefore they don't care attitude sucks ass. Pick up the fucking phone and make the effort, and not just on birthdays. I hate that we only hear about one another if it's big news. It seems very cliche for me to say that I WISH THAT EVERYONE WOULD JUST GET ALONG!

Life is too short, let's make the most of it!

Well, I am sure that my lists of complaints could go on and on, but I must go mow the lawn while the little dude sleeps. They are showing the house at 1:30.

*sigh*

Where's the Keys?

2009-08-14T10:39:00.002-05:00

I have been slacking in the posting department lately, I have just simply been flat out busy.

Hubs went on yet another Man Trip, and I am totally jealous. He goes on this annual fishing trip on the ocean in PR with some guys from back home. I think that this is his 5th year in a row. I am jealous... Not about the fishing trip, but a touch on the bitter side in regards to his freedom that he still gets after having our son. I was blessed with yet another sleepless night from a restless baby. Good times.

I am at my Sister's while he is away, I miss her! Another one of the reasons for my visit was the opportunity to have a visit with my Mom. She has only met Hudson the one time, and I thought it would be a spectacular idea to meet her half way-- which is at Talia's house.

Once again, she let me down. She was not able to get the time off, after she reassured me that she would before I started to make plans to meet her. She never even had the audacity to even call to let me know that she would not be able to make it. Still haven't heard form her. I don't know why I let her get to me, it's not like I should even be surprised. I think that this may be the last straw.

Sadly, I am done.

I vow to be a good Mother, never ever would I want my children to feel about me the way that we do about her. It breaks my heart.

Sister and I decided to take a trip into the city yesterday. She bought a new mini van the week before, and wanted to go in to arrange a plan to get her DVD player installed. We did so, and went for a over-priced shabby lunch. We did some shopping, and made one last stop at W.nner's.

It was time to go home. Talia put the bags in the back of the van, and put Finley in her seat. I had already put Hudson in his seat, and went around back to put the stroller away. I slam down the liftgate, and my sister come flying around the corner of the van with her arms waving.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she screams! I told you not to close the doors because Finley hit the lock while she was playing with her keys. I never heard her tell me, I swear! Where are the keys?!?! Inside with the kids.

So the two babies are now locked in the vehicle in front of the store. My heart is in my throat. Talia gets on her phone and proceeds to make calls first to her dealership, and next to Roadside. Both places are a fucking joke. We are in a crisis, and they keep putting her on hold over and over again only to come back with a series of stupid questions like mileage on her vehicle and street addresses and shit like that. I think she should kick up a fuss and make an issue about it. Accidents happen all the time, but the process of fixing it all was a fucking joke.

Thank God it wasn't hot out.

All the while that she was on the phone, this woman comes up behind me and is chirping in my ear asking the two of us if we left our bank card in the store because she saw one there. I give the dirtiest look ever with my bitch lines in full force and shooing her away with both hands. She's all stunned looking, but soon got the hint. I am looking at the windows on the van thinking to myself which one was going to be the least expensive to replace should I smash one out to get the kids out. I refocus. Glass all over the van would not be cool, but would if I had to.

I look around the parking lot thinking about how dry my mouth is and to my surprise, there was a tow truck! There may as well be a beam of light shining down on it from the heavens!!! I ran like the wind! I super sprinted to the tow truck driver and was nearly choking on my tongue trying to tell him that there were babies locked in the van and he needed to get them out. I pointed like a crazy lady letting him know where the van was located. He finished his boost, and was over in a jiff. Talia is shoving money at him, and he doesn't even know who she is. Covering the groundwork he raced around the van, and had the door open in about 4 seconds. It was amazing. Thank you Ron. I even offered this old man a kiss because I was so overjoyed. I just may have even payed up because the whole experience was a blurr.

That was by far the scariest day since Hudson had since his barfing epidemic a couple of months back. (To this day he still won't eat peas.)

I am not sure what I would have done yesterday if I was to be there by myself, and I think my sister is going to keep and extra key in her purse.

2 New Teeth!

2009-08-12T10:33:00.002-05:00

Hudson has had the same solo tooth for about 6 or so weeks now. Being a bit fussy and chewing his hands and teether like mad lately, I have been checking his lower gums looking for the partner to the first one.

Nothing.

Yesterday, I was feeding him chunks of banana and just by pure fluke I rubbed my finger along his top gums. To my surprise, there was a tooth! I felt a little more, and there was not one tooth... but two! Both eye teeth!

With the one he has on the bottom, and now the two upper eye teeth-- I am thinking that unless more teeth come in that my son is soon going to resemble a jack-o-lantern!

Weekend Update

2009-08-05T10:10:00.005-05:00

Well, we went camping for the long weekend. We were originally supposed to go to the Okanagan for Hubs' brother's 50th birthday bash, but Andy shit the bed and never got his butt in gear to get a plan together for us to attend. He was a bit bent about it, but fine with me.

I have determined that I really do not have the overall love for camping. I do not sleep well, and definitely do not eat well. What I do truly like about camping though, is the socialness of it all. The more people around, the better. This weekend there was quite the group together out there from the Rugby team, and everyone had a baby last year so it was pretty chill. It was great. I even went out on the boat and did some tubing. I was a bit apprehensive to go out -- not sure why... In the back of my mind I was worried about my Little Dude should I happen to drown. Ridiculous? Once I got out there, I was out for atleast an hour. It was so much fun that I could not even straighten my arms out the next day from my muscles being so sore!

Ah... I am getting old. And lame.

We are going camping again this weekend... to Tumbler Ridge. Supposed to be absolutely beautiful there. Andy's best buddy is running a marathon there, and we are going for support. Yeah, the chubs are strictly spectators there for support. I also have an old friend that lives there who I will hopefully catch up with.

Here is a couple of photos of Hudson from this past weekend.

1. Hanging with a couple friends...

2. Future Rugby Player?
3. A little roughhousing already?

The Old Me?

2009-07-30T10:08:00.002-05:00

I feel quite silly even writing this post. I started it once the other day, and deleted it because I thought it was pointless. I am still thinking about it, so I must share my thoughts even if I am still unsure of how to approach this post.

I know that anyone that has internet likely has their own FB account, where you post pictures of your life keeping people in the loop. It's great for that. I will admit... I am still addicted to it. Checking it on a daily basis, often more than once. (Being home with my baby has turned me into quite a computer addict. I check in first thing in the morning one-handed while I feed him, and I am on here again while he's napping.)

So, back to the FB thing. I look along the right side of the screen, scrolling through people's posted photos. As I am snooping away, I see not one-- but two of my friends have their 3-D baby ultrasound photos posted. I completely understand the reasoning behind posting them there, as I posted one of Hudson to show it off. It is amazing, and you want to share it!

I click away, looking at photo after photo.

As I am clicking away, for some stupid reason I am getting upset. Not sure of these feelings were jealously or sadness. I felt like the old me was sitting here in front of the computer.

The old me-- the infertile.

I logged out and went upstairs to sit on the other end of the couch from Andy. He took one look at me, and asked me what was up. I replied that I was unsure why I was feeling the way that I was from looking at these US pics. I explained that it felt like I had a dark cloud over my head, and I missed all of those things.

Really?!?

As I sit here now, shaking my head... I know full well that it is not something that I would want right now. I am MORE than overjoyed with my little dude. Our days are full with just him, and I would be content with only having him in my life. All the of the work and the 7 years that I waited to have him will NEVER be taken for granted.

He is only 7 months old, and I know that I don't have the 'itch' for another one yet. He is so much fun now, with his own personality and showing a bit of independence. I also am slowly starting to regain my former shape, not just the weight part of it all. Energy is up, and we are doing more things other than trips to the grocery store or the Mommy group. My thighs still rub together, and I would love to be a heck of a lot smaller than I presently am before I would even think about another attempt at IVF.

So what gives? Why do I feel like this?

It is not like we will never have another try at having more children. We do have 9 frozen embryos waiting for us when the time is right. We have a few chances there, even if success rates are not as high. But like I said, if my son is meant to be my one and only-- then so be it. I am okay with that. Really, I am.

The infertile in me, will it ever go away?

It's 3am... You Awake?

2009-07-28T09:34:00.005-05:00

My son has finally been sleeping through the night, or close to it, for about a month now. Give or take.

It is amazing to have sleep in my life again.

He still does wake up some nights, but not for long, and not to be fed. I just go in his room, give him his soother and rub his back so that he is comfortable and goes back to sleep. There has been a couple of nights lately where he wakes up and has the most heart-wrenching scream. I would pick him up, and rock him until he fell back to sleep.

I chalked it up to teething, even giving him Tylenol on occasion.

Well, lately it has been so freaking hot, so I have been going to bed with fans going and all of the windows open in the house.

Last night was one of those nights where he would wake up screaming, and tears squirting out of his eyes. He was very upset. I was rocking and shushing him, finally getting him a bit settled. Then it happened again while I was holding him! His body tenses, and his eyes fly wide open. I stood there, and finally figured it out!

You know what makes him wake up and in tears at 3 am?!?!

A STUPID TRAIN!

How many times do they have to blow that horn in the middle of the night? With his window open, it was clear as day. We do not live overly close to any train tracks, but it was loud. Long, drawn out whistles... over and over again, sending fear into my little boy's bedroom in the dark of the night.

Same thing happened again at 4:30, waking up to a screaming baby with the blast of a train whistle.

All this time, I thought he was waking out of habit. Looks like I will have to turn the radio up louder at night.

A Day at the Park!

2009-07-20T22:39:00.003-05:00

Today was the first time taking Hudson to the park. He loved it!

We made two trips actually... Silly me forgot to bring the camera. It was a beautiful day, so the extra walk didn't hurt.

The entire time he is on the swing his mouth is either open wide or his tongue is hanging out. He is getting to be more and more fun every day!

House For Sale?

2009-07-17T10:17:00.003-05:00

Well, we had an offer on the house. After a couple of days of going back and forth we agreed on a price. The papers were drawn up, and a possession date was set.

This older gentleman and his wife were so very excited to buy this place. She was going around the house telling me where she was going to put her things, and he was going on about the garage. Don't forget the yard, Oh the yard... The only thing left to do was for him to get approved for financing. Their current house is entirely paid for, so he did not foresee a problem.

Not approved.

Buddy is self employed with his own truck, but because times are tough right now they will not give him the loan. He must sell his place before he can go any further.

I was a little disappointed, but I just go by the old saying that Everything Happens For a Reason...

My husband on the other hand is retardedly distraught. Got his hopes up a bit too high (even after I said not to- anything could happen) and now I think his poor little heart is crushed. Downright moody. I told him that it had only been 10 days and things will work out. After all, we do not have a plan as of yet should this house sell right away.

Anyway, we are back to square one. We know that it will sell, I just hope for Andy's sake it is sooner than later.

The Little Things

2009-07-16T08:47:00.005-05:00

I wanted to do this post last night, just to bitch away at the little things that are eating me alive. I slept on it, in hopes that this post would be a bit less harsh.

I ask myself over and over again-- I am a good person, right?!?!

This particular post is going to be about my husband and his parents, again. All but not too long ago, they were here and I had done a post to bitch about them and found myself feeling guilty about it. I do try to take into consideration that they are OLD, and one day my turn will come.

All they want to do is sit around watching tv, and play cards. I am a busy body. I can't sit still at the best of times.

Now that Hudson is here, they are around more than ever and we are now seeing them about every 2 months. I know that they love their Grandson and want to see him as much as possible, and I am not objecting that. However, I think that I am going to come up with things to do while they are visiting to lessen my time with them.

I used to really enjoy their company, honestly I did! One day they somehow flipped a switch and I cannot get past it. I know that one of the reasons that I am bitter is because the afternoon after that I had Hudson, his Mom wanted to go to the mall on Christmas Eve and do some shopping. She could have very well caught a cab, but noooooooooo-- she asks Andy to take her, and he did! He cannot say no to his parents. Not sure why he feels that he owes them something.

So, yesterday. Andy tries bribing me with a new handbag to take his mother shopping. There is a G.ess one that I had been previously eying up, and decided it was an unnecessary purchase while I was not working and forgot about it. He says if I took her, that he would even pick it up for me.

I said no thanks.

I don't want to be reminded each time I look at it that I was guilted into a 'treat' like some sort of child.

A man has made an official offer on our house, and we accepted. He came over to draw up some papers so he could get the financing figured out today. Our house is quite open, and they stayed right there on the couch. You would think that they would take Hudson out in the yard to give us some privacy (not to mention wht buddy must have thought). Nope.

After dinner, and Dad & Jo had just left. I went to have a minute to myself before I got started into Hudson's bedtime routine. I came down to go on the computer, and was followed downstairs by my husband. Then there was the stare down.

~jen~ "What's up?"

~andy~ "Do you have to do that right now? Come visit. They are only here for a few days."

~jen~ "They are sitting around doing nothing anyway. They are here to see Hudson."

~andy~ "I don't know what your problem is, but they are my parents."

~jen~ "Kind of like how you go out of your way for my family?"

~andy~ "Well, they are getting old. You need to be more accommodating."

~jen~ "More accommodating?!

I turned my chair to focus on the computer.

I know this entire conversation is stemming from the fact that I did not take his Mom shopping. He also added in that he thinks that while they are here, I should take Hudson wherever they are to be with them at each waking moment. Fuck that.

I had made them some homemade soup and cheese biscuits for dinner (which I sent home in storage containers for them), because I decided to make a different supper because now my Dad was coming and he is a meat and potatoes kind of guy and I was unsure if he would eat it. His Mom pipes up to my Dad and Jo about how I said 'that's what was cooking, and they would have to eat it'... and then turned around and contradicted myself by making another meal. Andy silently laughs it off beside me in the kitchen, because he knows the original conversation.

They were supposed to be the only ones coming for dinner in the first place-- they would have to eat it and like it.

His Dad takes my book that is on the coffee table and loses my page in attempt to use it for a coaster. Thinks nothing of it. Andy later defends his Dad by saying "He didn't think anything of it because he doesn't read books."

He always sides with them. Always quick to their defense.

I missed out on something between Andy and his Mom while I was in the kitchen. I just cough the tail end of it. Andy got all silent and pursed lipped when I asked what was wrong. His Mom pissed him off somehow, but would not elaborate.

I could go on and on about the things that picked my ass about the entire evening. But I won't.

Today is a new day.

I will be just as accommodating as I ever was.

Today...

2009-07-13T22:53:00.004-05:00

Oh what a day!

I played the role of Suzy Homemaker all day today. I scrubbed, grocery shopped and slaved in the kitchen all day. I made cookies, supper (I make the greatest marinated veg on the BBQ), deli sandwiches ready to go in the fridge, and egg combo-things for breakfast sandwiches.

Lastly, I took another attempt at making the home-made baby food. I buy him the organic ready-to-go kinds on a regular basis, but find that alot of them are quite high in sodium. (I am a label reader for everything). Hudson eats sweet potatoes like they are going out of style, so I thought it would be an easy thing to adjust to if I made it myself. I baked the sweet potatoes in the oven on low for a couple of hours. I peeled, I diced, I blended. I added some boiled water and some low-sodium stock to them, making a similar texture as the jar stuff.

Well, as luck would have it... He hates them! Yep, *GAGS* like I am feeding him pureed liver. The same thing happened when I tried a little while ago to make some using fresh pears. I gently steamed them using the sweet, over-ripe ones. I have also bought a butternut squash (also another fave of his), and am not even going to take the time on that one just yet. I like to think that I am a good cook, but it looks like he hates his Mama's cooking! I froze them in ice cube trays, so I will have to keep trying.

On another note, we got an offer on our house tonite. We put the private sign up in our yard last Sunday night. We have been discussing what to do with the situation. We could jump on it, and then figure things out OR counter-offer and see where it takes us. It has, after all, been just 8 days.

Outlaws come tomorrow. They were supposed to come today but had a delay in plans, giving me a day's grace. Yesssss!

Took a couple of photos today, just around the house.

#1: Yet another after bath time. I love, love, love him with this hair slicked and in black & white.

#2: Brushing his 'tooth'.

#3: Staring down his new 'best friend'. He is not crawling YET, but very soon. He gets on all fours, and rocks back and forth.

Why the Long Face?

2009-07-13T10:48:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, Hudson and I went with his Grandma and Grandpa to a car show. Not something that we typically do, but it was nice to get out and do something together and enjoy the nice day outside. Andy had to work, so we left him behind with nothing but a long face.

We were gone for the entire afternoon. While we were away, rather than go to work he stayed home and got some stuff done that we wanted to do before the house sells, like some trims and mouldings. I came home to sing his praises.

Even with the pat on the back, he still looked a bit bent out of shape. I asked him what's up.

All the while we were gone he was upset about how we went to something cool; and yet again, he was left behind to work (his choice). He misses how we never do anything fun together anymore, we don't even go to the movies anymore.

I see.

He's right. What do you do when your old lifestyle consisted mostly of places that do not allow minors? And going to the movies, that's not baby appropriate either.

I think maybe I should plan for a sitter and go to dinner and a movie, just the two of us.

This morning I was Googling looking for ideas and checking out community events, thinking that there may be things out of the norm to do around here on the weekend. Nothing but Hockey Camps.

What to do?

Maybe we should just take the travel trailer out this coming weekend, and leave it at that. Do any of you have any fun ideas that you can think of?

Word of the Day

2009-07-11T12:04:00.002-05:00

He finally said it! Hudson said 'Ma-Ma!'

Andy was holding him, and he was a bit fussy. He looked around... and out it came clear as day. Ma-Ma! And again, 'Ma-ma!'

Yahooooooo!

I was going to read to him a little while later and I said "book," and pointed to his book that I had in my hand.

Andy says: "Whoa! Slow down with the new words! You are not allowed to teach him anything else until he says "Da-Da!"

A Bad Hair Day!

2009-07-09T13:33:00.005-05:00

Remember my hair yesterday? Looked like this:

Last night I went to get my hair done. I LOVE getting my hair done. I look forward to it... It is truly one of the few things I do for myself, and it only happens every 8-10 weeks.

My friend Hot Kim moved to Edmonton, she had been doing my hair for the past 5 years. She was fantastic. I didn't even have to tell her what I liked, she would do it and it was good every time. I have I have been seeing this other girl for my past 3 appointments. I know that she is not as good as my friend, but I figured what the hell-- it's just hair.

**Apparently; as I sorrily found out last night, hair is VERY important to me. My appointment last night was a fucking disaster.**

Here's how it all went down.

I booked my appointment long ago for 5pm on a Wednesday night. Andy would watch Hudson, and I would go and have some time to myself. Yes! I do not do much these days for myself. This girl, (we'll just call her KIRBY) walks around my chair, feeling my hair. Section by section.

She has decided that my color still looks good, and we would simply be touching up my roots so that my hair would have lift again. After the color, she would clean up my cut. I was into the inverted bob. Common, but it worked for me.

So, she puts some foils in my hair around the roots, and adds some fresh chocolate color around my bangs and the back of my hair. Nothing is different from the last time she colored it. She looked at the previous mix that she had written on my client card.

She paces around for a bit, checking and re-checking the processing of the bleach. I am a natural dirty blond, and color takes VERY well in my hair. She checks once more, and lets me know it's time for a rinse. Oh, how I love my head massaged! Kirby then lets me know that she is going to 'tone' it. I HATE brassiness, and have stated the fact on both occasions where she has colored it.

She suggests that she is going to re-tone it because it did not work as well as she had hoped. And again. And again. 3 times she tried to 'tone' it, and get the 'golds' out of my hair. Can you say burning scalp? Oh fire, and the overly pungent smell of ammonia. Holy fuck. I didn't even enjoy the shampoo/head massage, I just wanted to be done and out of there.

It's now 7pm. One color job, 3 toning jobs, and we are right back to where we started! My hair is ORANGE!! Bright orange. I could feel my lip start to quiver. I informed her that I can't leave here with this color. Kirby then asks me if I have time to re-do it, or if I would prefer to come back? Come back?! I am not going anywhere with orange hair! There we were, more than 2 hours later putting fresh foils, (and even more bleach)! Under the heater. Tone once more, and shampoo again.

My hair was hurting at this point, and in my mind I am starting to question whether or not I should walk out right then and there. I should have.

Time for the cut. I was under the impression that we would be cleaning it up, and really 'texturizing' because I have an overabundance of hair. She sits on her little pedestal, and starts cutting. Then razoring. Then texturizing. The hair is flying!!

She grabs the one side of my hair, and snip! My jaw drops.... Literally. She just cut the side of my hair so fucking short!

I snapped at her, 'My hair is naturally curly-- what the fuck am I going to do with it that short?!'

'It'll look better once it's textured some more. It doesn't look good yet because it's blunt,' She says. 'You'll have alot of fun with this cut.'

She cuts it wet. She cuts it dry.

I have decided in my mind that there is only so much hair that she can possibly cut, and soon she would be finished and I would never return again.

I come home, thank Andy for letting me have an evening to myself. His eyes are wide, he knows better than to say a word because my eyes are welled up. I know full well that he loves it long.

This is what the 4 hour... 6 shampoos... 4 tone jobs... 2 foil jobs... scissor happy, burning scalp appointment turned out like. She was kind enough to only charge me $100 this time, not the $140 I paid last time.

Looks like I am going to be spending the next year growing this shit out. In the meantime, I will be looking for a new colorist.

A Few Random Things....

2009-07-07T16:49:00.003-05:00

Well... Just s few things to report, no specific reasoning behind this post.

*I am super excited to report that last night was Hudson's first 'official' night that he slept the whole night! I put him to sleep at 8:30-- and he slept until 6:50! Myself, on the other hand was WIDE AWAKE at 5, wondering why he hadn't squeaked yet. It is a huge accomplishment, and will be something for the two of us to adjust to.

He had been waking up every night faithfully at 2 am for the past week. Much better in comparison to the last 6 months, where he was up consistently every 3 hours. I don't know how I did it.

Last Monday I tried the 'tough love' approach... thanks to a friend that gave me some advice. I had tried everything else known to man, and bought every sleep gadget possible. Nothing worked. Apparently it takes 3 nights to get in the 'habit' of sleeping all night and in their own bed. It took one night! One night, and one solid hour of crying. Hudson was hoarse the next day!

Call social services if you like!

It worked, and I don't care!

*Today we had to go for the 6 month shots. I was horrified of the very thought that I had to take the little man all by myself. Andy has always taken him in the room while I waited like a chicken in the lobby, only to swoop in and save the day when all was said and done.
We survived! Hudson did very well, and knowing that he did so well made me feel a wee bit better. I wouldn't want to do it again right away, but it wasn't quite as bad as I envisioned.

*He is 18lbs 4oz... 25 3/4 inches. Solid kid.

*The sign went out in the yard on Sunday. It makes me wild knowing that we have been working so hard getting things things fixed and 'polished' for the house to show well. This house is great. Cozy and cute. I will miss it.

Today alone, we have showed it twice. I don't imagine it will take long to sell. The next step after it sells, not sure. We still haven't come to an agreement.

Ah, life.

To Move OR Not To Move

2009-07-03T11:34:00.002-05:00

Here is the current situation.

I have been slaving away-- literally.

This week I:

- Painted the kitchen
- Painted the spare room
- Tightened taps and faucets
- Cleaned out the cold/storage room
- Rounded up shit for the garage sale (there's alot!)
- Put down landscaping cloth and new mulch around the yard (36 bags to date!)

WHEW!

I did all of this myself, with Hudson along side me with the trusty help of the stroller and the jumperoo. My husband and I made a choice to sell our cute little house, (to upsize) and there was some things we wanted to get done to 'spruce' it up to show a little better. He, has not done one single thing to contribute. It's killing me.

The moral of the story here is the fact that the house will have the sign up here shortly.
We have looked at 25 houses now, and we cannot seem to agree on one that we both mutually like.

I have my eye on a 5 year old, established, 1800 sf, cookie-cutter house in a quiet cul-de-sac, with a smaller groomed yard and the bonus of a finished basement. It's niiiiiice. It would need some fresh paint and maybe some flooring to get rid of the laminate that I am not fond of.

Andy has his mind set on a 43 year old rancher in town, 2000 sf, and a huge yard for running around (and the dog). The house is a loaded 'oak' package, which I would either need to refinish or replace. The house was nice, but compared to the other one, it was 'just okay' to me. He really liked it, and there is sufficient room for his work trailer and our RV. I simply see another old house that is much like what we are in now. Character, and different... yes-- but when he gets home from work, what really would get done when the novelty of it wore off.

Either one would be fine, really.

So this is my dilemma.

The house that we were originally set on, sold. We looked at 24 more houses to get in the predicament that we are in now.

We have 'talked' about the possibility of relocating to another town/city in BC. This has been an off and on topic for probably the past 4 years. We are not planning on staying here forever. Andy would move tomorrow!
Myself... I am the thinker, and a bit more cautious. I see that there is work here, and it would be costly to relocate. Would there be enough work right now and not have to rely on our house selling 'stash' to make ends meet? Yes, it would be best to do it while Hudson is young. I love the idea of getting away from the nasty winter, but is now the right time? Would I have the support system that I need to help with my little dude?... Would I be all alone all of the time while he was working? I don;t think that I would be able to work right away either because how to you establish child care in a new place? Does it fuck up Mat leave if you move? (I wouldn't think so with direct deposit?)

Do I settle on his house choice or do I move? What's your opinion?

I'm really not sure what the right answer is here.

It's a battle.

Bad News...

2009-06-30T22:00:00.005-05:00

Well, *sigh* Bad news.

Brace yourself.

We are not the winners of this year's Dream Home.

Suck.

My son made me feel a lot better about it ( like I would really win- pfft! ), being comical all evening and not even aware of it.

We just got back from supper at BP's... we NEVER eat out. In my opinion, I can make it waaaaaay better myself, and I will not be disappointed with shitty service. (Tonight proved my point once again.) I won't even discuss how vile the highchair was that they presented for me to use!

Buuut... Hudson loved it. You could tell that it was all new to him ( big action in comparison to the grocery store ) and we don't get out much. He was having a great time. All the people for him to look at!... The busy-ness!.... The noise!.... The ceiling fans! For him, it was a baby's amusement park. He was so funny to watch, and very well behaved.

The real kicker for me though-- When we got home, it was time for the bedtime routine. Part of the routine is bath time. He was all washed up and laying back, just chillin' out in the water. Then the 'fountain' sprayed. He watched in complete awe.

Start.
Stop.
Start.
Stop.
Start.
Stop.

*Giggling.*

Then he was looking around to see where it had went.

Oh, to be a boy.

A Quick Note...

2009-06-30T18:31:00.003-05:00

I am happy to announce that I finally wore my wedding rings for the first time in over a year. Still have them on. Not sure if that's really that exciting to read about, (especially after yesterday's post!) I have been trying to jam them on every once in a while for forever, and today they just went on, and no purple finger! The sausage look is still there, but may be because they are soldered together and I am not used to looking at the thick gold 'cast'. Nonetheless, it's one step closer to my old-sized self.

Today was the last 'official' meet at ParentLink where I go to my Mom and Baby group. I have gone every Tuesday afternoon for the past 4 or so months, only missing a couple of them. I never realized how much I looked forward to going. Not sure if I go primarily because I like hearing about the developmental topic that week, but I now know that I really enjoy going to chat it up with the other Mom's that go as well. Not just talking on a baby level, but the socialness of it all. I watch Hudson take everything in, and I know that it is socially fulfilling for him as well.

I have signed Hudson and myself up for a baby sign class in the fall. He will be at the perfect age then to learn. It should be fun. I do teach him the very basics now, but would like to teach him more to better understand him if he needs to tell me something without being old enough to talk.
(That reminds me, I still have to post the video snipit of him shaking his head no.)

Today is the draw for the Dream Home Lottery. Andy just called to remind me to turn the radio on. I will not... Instead I will leave that up to him~ and he can call me with the good news when we win.

Last thing. Just wondering if anyone has any super-fantastic recipe ideas. I seem to be fumbling trying to think of menu ideas lately. I love to cook, but there really isn't alot of time for prep. I did try one that was posted on Alicia's blog, and it was a nice change, thanks.

That's about it for now. Just a bit of pecking away at the keyboard to keep my mind occupied while they draw our winning ticket....

Morning Routine?

2009-06-29T09:22:00.003-05:00

I have finally trained my husband to close the door in the morning when he gets ready for work. He is the loudest. After getting up a couple of times in the night, the last thing I want to hear is his noisy self in the a.m..

When I get out of bed a short while after he leaves, I make my first stop to the bathroom. As I having my pee time, I take a quick glance around and see the small flood on the bathroom floor. Getting out of the shower I think he must shake the water off like a dog, rather than use the towel that he has hung behind the bathroom door. Also behind the bathroom door (but on the floor) are his underwear.

Naturally, my next stop is to the sink to wash my hands (obviously). There are minty blue gobs of toothpaste streaking down the sink. Not from me, as I haven't made it that far in my day.

I grab the baby, and head for the kitchen. We know that Hudson's Daddy had eggs and toast this morning. The dirty dishes are in the sink waiting for me to put them away AFTER I unload the dishwasher (that I turned on last night). The counters are scattered with toast crumbs.

The end of the counter by the back door is what I famously like to call his 'nest'. It is the spot that he drops his keys, hat, wallet and whatever else is in his pockets. Now that he is gone, all that remains is his crumpled receipts and a balled-up/used band-aid. Thanks.

As I make my way downstairs to the computer to start this post, I am tripping on his flip-flops he wore last night that never make it on to the shoe rack right beside them.

Sit down at the computer, and there is another nest on the printer with more crumpled receipts and invoices. Post it's stuck to the desk from his latest house-hunt on MLS, and an empty pop can.

I know full well that I am a neat freak. I have been this way for quite some time. I do cut some slack, but wouldn't you know better to pick up after yourself rather than have me nag about it?!

If I say anything, he bitches about how he didn't marry his mother.

Last time I checked she didn't live here either!! (Thankfully!)

RAGE!

2009-06-26T14:22:00.002-05:00

So.

Here's my second post of the day. I need to bitch!

I received this letter/bill in the mail a few short moments ago. It is from the satellite provider for my vehicle. No, actually it is from the collections department for my former satellite provider.

The bill that I received and paid immediately over the phone is for the amount of $107.18. I do not have a problem paying for a bill as long as I am using the service. However, I am not presently using this particular (xm)service. I have been using my same (sirius) subscription for the house as for my vehicle, using the same dock that sits on my dash rather than the one that comes installed in the vehicle's stereo system. I could not justify paying two satellite companies (didn't they merge?) while on Mat leave for the same thing.

Well, I would naturally assume that the bill would be for the services providing my subscription be extended.

This is not the case.

I finally got on the phone and spoke to a gentleman whom is fluent in another language, making things rather difficult to understand the breakdown of the bill.

I repeatedly explained to him that I am not presently using the radio. I allowed it to simply run it's course. When it didn't work one day back in March, I just assumed that it was done, and so was I.

I was never contacted for a renewal, only the call 1-888... .... showed up across the stereo display the same as it would today.

Here is a glimpse of the conversation in a quieter form:

*jen* 'Umm...I just received a bill from a collections company regarding my account?'

He asks for my account info.

*guy* 'Yes,ma'am.'

*jen* 'Why am I paying a bill for a service that I am not using?'

*guy* 'This bill is for cancelling your service.'

*jen* 'What?! Can I have a breakdown of the bill then?'

*guy* 'Let me take a look ma'am'

*guy* 'There is a $75 admin fee, $10 late payment fee, $10 cancellation fee, plus tax'....

*jen* 'ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?'

*jen* 'How much would it be to renew?'

*guy* '$160 plus tax for the year ma'am, would you like to renew?'

*jen* 'Another $160 when I just paid $107.18 to cancel?'

*guy* 'Yes ma'am. That is correct.'

Again, I respond, 'ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!'

I let him know that the bill was already paid for and I would never... make that ever... having anything to do with them again. I graciously let him know that the professionalism of the company was 'shit' and that they should take a better approach to get customers to further invest in the service provided, rather than nickle and dime people who were never contacted in the first place. He then did some serious ass kissing, with all of his sorry ma'ams and have a great day's...

I hung up.

Thanks Friend!

2009-06-26T09:35:00.004-05:00

First off, I owe a big THANK YOU to my good friend for blessing me with the gift of blogging. (I truly love you! Mwah!)

Last night I had a 'situation', and because I had read a previous post of hers relating to this particular 'situation' of mine, I was able to keep somewhat calm and sane.

I had a pretty good scare. Hudson must have had a 'bug' or something, but is doing much better this morning.

I still shutter at the thought of how hard he was throwing up. He was retching so hard (I could compare it to a good hangover heave), and whimpering while his eyes were filled with tears. It broke my heart to see him so helpless. He seemed so tiny again.

It happened 6 times in less than an hour, and it was projectile. I phoned HealthLink, and the nurse made me feel like a piece of shit. Again, I refer to my friends previous post. I explained the scenario and that he was 6 months old. I told her that he was refusing food (he shakes his head 'no' now which I will post later today to show you) and how hard he was vomiting.

She gave me the 'what for' about feeding him anything more than rice cereal. Tsk! He STILL DOES eat rice cereal, but I now have him on fruits and veggies now as well. She insinuates that that must be why this is happening. Breast milk and rice cereal and nothing more.

Whatever.

So, she tells me that I need to take him up to Emergency, but they won't be able to give him anything because of his age. I will be going there to watch for dehydration, which you won't have to worry about yet. Take a breast pump and extract milk while you are there (where? In a bathroom every 10 minutes?) and feed him 1 tsp at a time to keep fluids in him and to ensure that it will stay down. Do not put him on the breast. If you put him on the breast, he will over eat and will be sick again. I asked if formula could be used, rather than 'teasing' him with boob and pulling him off. Formula?!?!? You can only imagine the coldness I received through the phone.

I phoned HL for help, not a lecture.

I had the words of my friend's experience playing in my head about how the baby now seemed fine and decided that if they really couldn't do anything for him anyway, I would just stay home. And that's just exactly what I did. I pumped in the privacy of my own home and fed him every 10 minutes for an hour. He was pretty good about it!

I slept with one eye open with him beside me. For the first time in a long time I was actually more than happy to get up with him in the night! *(I should specify that I am happy to spend time with him at any time in the day... I would rather be sleeping at night is all!)*

Today, he seems a bit sleepy... but seems to be eating fine. I will give him some fruit at lunch time and see how that pans out.

What a traumatic experience it was! I realize that there are going to be more flu incidents, cuts and bruises, and God help me-- stitches! But, maybe I will look at my friendly computer for answers next time before calling those ever-so-helpful opinionated phone nurses!

Happy Half Birthday!

2009-06-23T16:33:00.004-05:00

Today my little dude is 6 months old. My oh my, how the time is flying by.

I was looking at some photos the other day of when he was brand new, and can vaguely remember him being so little. I think he doubled in size in the past couple of weeks, literally. He's a tank. All of a sudden he seems to be filling out his 6-9 month clothes. Some gifts that seemed so 'huge' before and seemed like he wouldn't fit them for ages, are now being pulled out. Wow.

I notice some changes in him as well.

For example, his personality is emerging. He's busy! Sits up by himself and grabs for things without toppling over. Throws temper tantrums to the point where he kicks his legs all over the place. Watches cars go by and makes puttering noises (maybe to imitate the sound) sending the spit flying! Reaches out to you when it's time to be picked up. He loves food. Also, he is getting easier and more fun to take on outings now.

He and the dog are looking like there could be potential for them to be buddies one day.

Aaaannnnnd.... Every day that Hudson has been grouchy in the past couple of weeks I have been 'poking' around in Hudson's mouth looking for teeth.

Well, today.... there's a tooth!!!

Half of the bottom right tooth is cut through, and high enough to feel with your finger. Yaaaaaahoo! (Who knew I would get so excited?)

What a week. First haircut... first tooth.

What's next?

I am hoping to report a 'first time he slept through the night'... but let's not get too carried away!

First Haircut-- Finally!

2009-06-22T00:09:00.006-05:00

I finally bit the bullet and cut Hudson's hair last night.

It looks so good, he looks like such a little boy now. The comb-over is gone!

I realize now that I should have done it sooner, but for some stupid reason I just couldn't. Maybe it is because he is a baby (my baby), and the thought of waving pointy, sharp scissors around his teeny little face was simply too much.

I put him in his highchair, and I cut about an inch and a half or so off. Yes, I did it myself! I could not see myself taking him to a 'real' hairdresser when I knew the job would be easy enough for myself to do it.

Well that, and the fact that I saved every last stitch of it and put it into a baggie to keep it for his baby book.

I took some better photos with my 'good' camera today... but these were from the quick one that doesn't take the clearest photos. It got the job done though I guess.

Before and afters... Including goofy faces due to extreme close ups!

Men!

2009-06-20T18:51:00.003-05:00

Jeez... you know, I don't get it.

I try so hard to be fair.

Think from a man's point of view.

I am struggling.

First off, last night I was doing some nails. Nothing unusual. I do them in the day, and then the odd evening. I only do a few these days for a bit of extra change, unlike when I used to be able to do them full time. I enjoy the one-on-one visits, an it's great being part of a two sided conversation.

Soooo... anyway, the appointment wasn't until 8:30 pm. What else would we be doing on a Friday night? I had the baby fed, and he simply just had to be put to bed. Easy enough- so I thought.

Nope.

I can hear the baby crying halfway through. Really giving the lungs a workout. I stop what I am doing and come upstairs from the basement and make a bottle. Formula is there for these type of scenarios. I go back downstairs to continue, and a short while later I can hear Andy piping up 'Aaaaare yoooou dooooone yeeeeeet?!?!'

I finished what I was doing and make my way upstairs, and Hudson is sleeping (but still fussing) on Dad's chest. My friend leaves, and I am given the 3rd degree. How dare I schedule something so late and make it inconvenient for him? He can't handle him!

I explained that I have no ME time. I do my own nails-- and I only get my hair done once every couple of months. Aside from the odd nail appointment I do from the house, Hudson and I are virtually inseparable.

I also give fair warning as to time and date the appointments are.

So why am I feeling so guilty?

Then today, I was supposed to be going to a stagette. He was well aware that I would be going for a short while in the early part of the evening, and would be coming home before the 'real' festivities started. I would be out for maybe a couple of hours.

I am not 'ready' to whoop it up just yet. The old me would have ripped it up and would have been a ring leader in the peer pressure department ensuring everyone consistently had full drink glasses and an ample supply of shooters. Ooooh, and I love to dance! I can shake it!!!

So, the moral of yet another man-bashing post is because HE is doing what HE wants to do. As we speak, HE is down at the Rugby field/clubhouse watching the game/drinking beer, and I know full well HE is having a great time doing it. HE did offer earlier to take the little dude with him to give me a bit of time alone this afternoon. I obviously declined-- stagettes happen on a Saturday night... Not Saturday afternoon.

Father's Day must be a 2 day event?

Happy Friday!

2009-06-19T11:09:00.004-05:00

I have been doing some thinking. Scary thought I know! The 3am cry for help inthe last post made me feel terrible, feeling sorry for myself... Pfft! Lack of sleep is a brutal thing... I ended up getting a solid 3 1/2 hours of sleep yesterday. Sucky, but I perceviered! Puttered the whole day and stayed up until 11 last night.

Anyway; here are some things that I have really thought long and hard about, and think I have resolved in the past day or so.

*The whole day care thing... it has to happen. I need to go back to work. I need 'my own' money, and even if I am not making giant amounts of cash right now on Mat leave I am atleast contributing and that takes some pressure off of Andy. Also, it will be good for Hudson and I to spend some time apart. Ultimately, I would like to work shorter days though. Maybe 3 days a week or a few hours a day 5 days a week? I am going to set up a meeting with my boss for next week. I am going to put myself on the wait list for the 'pro' day care (for lack of a better word) but put my starting date for February. That gives my friend a 2 month trial period to see if she really wants to do it, and I am sure that is when her Mat leave is up.

*I have spoken with Andy about getting up at night. I have done it solo for nearly 6 months now (crazy how time has flown) and if I need the help I will ask for it. Him getting up in the night and trying to help me only to end up bitching is not gonna fly. I told him that more help in the evenings or on the weekends would be best. He said that he vaguely even remembers getting up that night anyway. I gladly re-enacted it all for him.

No more of that.

*The whole house hunting thing. Yes, this house is great, but it is not rocket science that we are going to need a bigger one. We just need to look at lots of houses until the 'right one' comes along. It'll happen. But I will cry when we officially leave this one. I brought my son home for the first time to this house. *sniff*

*Went and caught a movie with a friend that I hadn't seen in months. The Hangover was a great movie. It was friggen' hilarious! Well that, and Bradley Cooper is nice on the eyes as well! (Black suit = Hotness!)

*Hudson's 2 lower teeth are 'right there'. Last night my Dad had him drinking out of his glass and with the pressure on his gums you could see them clear as day. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

So anyway, this feels like the fog has lifted... pulled my head out of my ass.

I have to also eat my own words and do 'one thing at a time.' I am not Superwoman nor do I need to be.

Have a great weekend!

A Fine Time for a Post...

2009-06-17T16:35:00.004-05:00

It's 3:25am... not a wink of sleep yet. I have tossed and turned for a long time now and thought that I might as well get up. Too hot. Well that, and I just spent the past hour or so trying to get Hudson back to sleep... Poor little dude is having a rough go with his teeth. Nothing yet, but I can see that they are close. Seeing him wake up with tears squirting out of his eyes is not a good time! Even in the daytime lately he is quite fussy, so unlike him. Andy woke up and tried to help, and again we ended up in another argument. He is not so productive while half asleep, and I just take over. He gets mad at me for it, and it feeds the fire because I am so exhausted. And still I always take the baby back.

Some old broad told me on the weekend that if adults had to go through the pain of teething we would die from it. Now that's a comforting thought. What do ya do? Jack your baby up on Tylenol all day? Stupid woman... it chimes in my head all the time now.

This evening we went to see a mortgage broker, and we were approved for quite a substantial amount. Not bad, considering I am on mat leave. So that is another contributing factor to not sleeping. I love my little house. It is a cute house that we are quickly outgrowing. It was perfect for the two of us. The location is good, and the yard is fabulous. I think it will sell fast, even with a flooded real estate market. It is a great time to buy, housing prices are wicked.

Alot of builders are offering incentive packages - one even offers appliance packages, deck, yard, and get $1600/month back for a year. A whole year mortgage free! Tempting. I think we may check out a few others, like one that is in a to-do part of town that needs some modernizing. I would love the challenge, and it would be fun. It would also be a great investment by putting a few bucks and some time into it, so when we decide to move to a nicer and warmer destination we could make some coin on it. Andy says it would be a good time to do it, being off now and all. I could plug away at things at my pace rather than trying to do it all while looking after the baby and working. I'll let you know how things turn out.

Also today, I was filling out applications for child care, to be put on a wait list for December. It sounds so far away, but it's coming too fast. The very thought makes me sick. I have spoken to a friend that has offered to take him as well. It would be more comforting knowing that he would be in wonderful hands, but what happens if she decides to go back to work a year or two from now and I screw myself out of the so-called professional ones? (The ones that have people with degrees or some shit running the show.) She did tell me that she could give me at least 2 months notice if she did decide to go back. Again, I would be looking for a new one and going through the same anxiety of finding one that I trust.

Dilemmas.

Let's hope that I have the winning ticket to win the Dream Home at the end of the month. Seriously! Life would be perfect!

Well, I am going to read for a bit and see if that makes me relax, even though my eyes feel like sandpaper. I am sure that as soon as I fall asleep Hudson will wake up...

A Good Find

2009-06-16T09:45:00.006-05:00

Not too much to say this morning... However I thought that I would let you know about this amazing product in case you haven't tried it already. With my life being so busy these days and not leaving a moment to myself, who the heck has time to paint their toenails let alone wait for them to dry? It's great!

The brush is a bit awkward to operate at first, with it being quite wide... but it goes on fast and is dry in a flash!

Me Time

2009-06-12T11:02:00.003-05:00

I am writing this post to actually give my husband some credit for once, rather than hacking on him like I usually do. If you only read about him in this blog rather than know him personally, I can see how you would think that he is a moron. He really is a great guy.

Lately, I have been overwhelmed with the demands of the little dude. He is getting busy, and the whole sleeping/teething thing is enough to make me crazy! I have been giving it my best, and I know it will get better.

Hudson has recently started on solids, (plain 'ol rice cereal was turning into a constant gag-fest) ... Thanks to my sister who gave him a taste of Finley's soup and he would not stop MMMMM'ing so I caved just before the 6 month rule. He LOVES food, and is taking formula when Andy gives him a bottle. It has been about a week now, and it's going well. Andy has been taking Hudson with him for little outings, whether it just be a drive or off to a buddy's-- but I get a break. Finally! I think that things are getting easier now that food is leaving Hudson longer between feeds, and knowing that formula is in the diaper bag if he's in a bind. I think it makes Dad feel pretty proud to be able so stuff without Hudson being attached to the boob, and then they have some quality time together without me. Just yesterday they were together long enough for me to do some nails and get my planters done. Andy even helped cook dinner!

Maybe the freakout from the other night was an eye opener for him. Whatever the case, thanks for coming around ....it's good to have the help.

Momma's Boy

2009-06-09T10:38:00.005-05:00

I would imagine you would be bored of my posts about no sleep. I realize I bitch constantly about it. I totally understand if you want to skip reading this one.

I have complained a hundred times before about how Hudson does not sleep well. It's both frustrating and exhausting. It consumes me.

I have been consistent with his schedule, and have been feeding him more in the daytime. Waking up 3 times a night still at 5 1/2 months old is ridiculous. I could pull my hair out. I am sure that he is only waking up out of habit. Last night I fed him an extra 4 oz from the freezer. He should be in a milk induced coma, but no. Like clockwork, he wakes up at 1:00, 4:00, then 6-7:00. He doesn't even open his eyes. He just cries. Alot.

All he wants is his Mom, and if I held him all night or he was beside me in my bed, he is content.

I have been trying the tough love approach. He sleeps in his crib even in the day rather than his swing. I have been leaving him to cry at night.
Last night again, he would not stop crying. I tried on two different occasions to leave him cry-- and after 15 minutes, I throw in the towel. He can only be left to cry for so long. I really don't want to feed him every time he wakes up, but lately finding myself doing it to stop him from throwing his fit any further. (Back arching and non-stop crying and yelling). He falls asleep every time after being fed.

While I left him to cry last night, Andy finally wakes up. (Dad has slept well for 5 months) He was MAD! Not at the fact that Hudson was crying, but at the fact that he was inconsolable. With Andy working so much last month and then being gone for a week, Hudson only wants his Mom. It frustrates him that there is nothing he can do to help. After a huge argument at 2am, he left me to feel like a complete and total failure. Even if that was not his intention, that's how it came across. Nobody should speak their mind in the middle of the night while sleep deprived.
Today he has apologized profusely. He knows better. He fucked up.

I simply kept quiet and told him that I can't do this alone. I just can't.

I have to ask though... What do you do? Let him cry longer? I am open to ideas... I don't mind him sleeping with me now so that I can get some sleep, but I don't want my 5 year old sleeping in my bed. Choices I make today will effect me tomorrow. Aaaaaaah!

...Home Sweet Home...

2009-06-08T15:48:00.002-05:00

Well, the week at my sister's was great. Thanks Tal. I would have jumped off a bridge if I'd had to do it alone. Got to credit those single Mom's! I really enjoyed our sister time. We got our tattoos, did a bit of shopping in the city, visited with a few old friends... pretty chillaxed really. We never got much deck time as we had hoped for; even though the weather was great. The mother f'n mosquitoes are enough to make you insane there! SO MANY. Andy's parents had a BBQ on Saturday night for us, there were a lot of people there to meet Hudson. Good to catch up with people, but again-- the mosquitoes! My only complaint the entire week.

Andy had a great time golfing. He has been trying to tell me all about these fancy courses he played, and I'm sorry to say that I have been listening to him with a def ear. I talked to him late one night and he repeated the entire conversation the next morning to me-- (minus the slurring). He forgot he even talked to me! Life must be good to be a man and leave all your cares behind... Can you feel my resentment?!

He actually went grocery shopping with Hudson and I today, something he never does. It was nice. He also delivered me Starbucks this morning.

On a good note, I have officially lost 50 lbs! I would love to lose another 20... I have 10 pregnancy pounds to go, and I was 10 or more pounds heavy when I got pregnant. It has not quite as easy as I had thought it might be, but it's coming. My goal is to wear my wedding rings (they go on, but the purple sausage finger is not appealing) and my favorite Hurley dress by the end of August. If I only wear the dress once, I don't care. I might wear it every single day for the remainder of the summer!

Hudson is going to get his first haircut June 21st... I have 2 weeks to prepare myself. The little monkey looks like a little boy rather than a baby these days... hopefully the haircut can fix that.

The dog is good these days too. Our housesitter said he was caught sleeping in Hudson's room a few times while we were away. He's coming around.

Fresh Ink

2009-06-05T10:37:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was a wicked day! Sleep deprived, but I am thinking that it took the edge off for the new tattoo!!

I drew it up myself, Hudson's name in a simple font and then 7 stars... one star for each year that I waited to have him. Simple enough. My husband on the other hand, was less than enthusiastic when I told him on the phone. Whatever. Suck it.

My sister went in after me (Hudson stayed with his Uncle Bobby). We both got stars for our 'sister tattoos'. They both turned out amazing!!

Talia said that her foot felt like it had been dragged on pavement for a long time-- it was that raw. Too funny! I don't remember the pain when I got mine on my foot, but forgetting the pain is why we all go back and cave to the addiction! I was planning my next one 5 minutes after I was done.

Here they are for your viewing pleasure!

Pity Party

2009-06-04T12:08:00.002-05:00

I am so tired. Tired of my baby not sleeping.

Last night, again, it's 4am and Hudson is groaning and fussing... then it gets louder and louder. Not even crying really. Then the back arching. Almost throwing a fit, all the while keeping his eyes closed. My eyes, on the other hand are wide open, because I am so awake. It is the second time of the night that he has been awake. This has gone on for about two weeks. He seems to sleep good for a week and then like shit for the next two. I don't get it. Naps are not like at home. No two hour morning nap. Maybe he misses his swing? Tummy ache? Growing pains?

I wish he could talk.

Normally if Hudson is fussy in the night, by this time Andy would take him out on the couch and sleep with him so that I can at least get a couple of hours of sleep. Can't wait for Saturday for him to get here. I might pump and let him stay up with him for the whole night I think. Never have I done it before, but I think it's a fine idea.

Last night I was doing a big shout out to the pity party. There I was bawling my fucking eyes out BEGGING my baby to let me get some sleep. Rocking him... shushing... feeding...

Finally, by 5 I was able to close my eyes again. I was up by 6:50-- time change is an hour behind here.

I have tried everything. Feeding him more in the day, consistent nap times, keeping down the activity in the evenings, bathing in the day/bathing at night... Ah, you name it and I have tried it. I have even thought about keeping him awake for a couple of hours when he wakes up in the night and then let him sleep most of the morning away, but I don't want to get him into that habit. That, and the fact that I am still at my sister's place. She suggested getting some lavender oil and putting it on something where he sleeps. It's worth a shot. Honestly, by 5 months he should be wanting to sleep longer!

Maybe there is lavender oil in her living room? Because Hudson just fell asleep in his Jumperoo!

I need a holiday! (Oh right-- I am on a holiday! Just not on a golf excursion with a bunch of buddies!)

Small Town Update

2009-06-02T10:24:00.002-05:00

Not too much to report... But I honestly cannot believe the pace here, so relaxed. No lineups in the grocery stores, no self check outs, no hoping you get through the red light before it changes, nothing. It feels weird actually. I guess you just simply get used to the hustle and bustle of the city (even if the city we live in is not overly huge). I love the city. Tomorrow we will be heading into PG to do some shopping.

I have ran into a few people, and of course it's nice to say hello with a quick catch-up. It irritates the shit out of me how they all say that they think we should get together and have a visit. Honestly, I moved away almost 6 years ago, and I don't see any of you coming for a visit to see me (my door would always be open)... but they second I come here I should come to see you.

Today I am going to be checking out a tattoo place here in town. My sister reassures me that this girl that has a shop does some pretty good stuff. She is from England, and my sister had some work done from her before. I could get one done when I am at home because there are countless shops there, but I would like to get it done while Andy is away. He has said before that he thinks that I don't need any more to add to the 3 I already have. I personally think that they are awesome, and I would like to get one in commemoration of my little Hudson. I have a little something in mind. It excites me!! It's a good pain... and so worth it in the end!

I will check it out today, and let you know how I make out!

My Big Getaway

2009-05-27T10:42:00.003-05:00

Andy is leaving for his golf retreat on Sunday. I am SO jealous. He will be coming home on the 6th. Lucky bugger gets to go somewhere good; (Fernie BC is absolutely beautiful) My holiday on the other hand... depends on how you look at it. My sister has offered to come here and get Hudson and I and take us to her place in Vanderhoof for the week. So thoughtful of her, but not exactly the getaway of my dreams! It will however, be great to have help with the little dude. This teething business has almost driven me to the point of insanity at times, and still no teeth. (I recently found that Camilia single dose in liquid form rather than tabs works wonders).But, his cold and lack of help with parenting has left me worn out. Another bonus: spending quality time with my nephews and niece. Last time they were here I was a bit busy having a baby, so there really was no visit.

Vanderhoof has maybe, oh... lets say 5,000 people on a good day. I get stir crazy when I visit. But lately, I have been doing that at home so what the hell. The city I live in now is not overly huge but not knowing every other person is a good thing, as well as getting anything you can think of when you want it. The sidewalks roll up at 6:00pm there, very few things are open after then. I did after all live there for 10 years, and met some pretty amazing friends along the way. (T? D?) I can proudly say that I did attend (and host) some pretty fun parties back in the day! Small towns do have the odd perk. One thing I can't wait for: CROCKS revolution. Fuck, I hate them. Last time I was there, they were everywhere.

I do intend on using her new deck to it's full potential. After all, I will not have my own vehicle there so I will not be out and about visiting. I also hope G&G will survive without seeing Hudson for the week. (Hubson as Grandpa would say).

I am sure I will have a post or two to shout out while I am away.

Happy Anniversary

2009-05-25T13:00:00.004-05:00

The only thing happy about the Anniversary weekend is to report that the weekend is over. Yup.

Friday day I went out and reserved a campsite, set up a tent (I was damn proud of myself) and got the travel trailer ready. I grocery shopped. I cleaned. I packed clothes, coolers, baby accessories, dog accessories, and everything else besides the kitchen sink. It was exhausting.

Andy finally got home form work at about 7; and after he got gas, propane and beer, we were finally on our way out to the lake at about 9. There is daylight here until 11:00'ish, so it didn't seem that late. Hellooooo weekend!

We get everything set up, and then Andy springs it on me that he has to work in the morning. Red Flag! Red Flag! I could feel my blood boil.

He, after all was the mastermind that figured it was a great idea to go camping. But I was the one that followed it through. I was assured that his day wouldn't be that long. So, he gets up in the morning and was gone to town before 7.

Hudson had not slept all to well the night before, maybe because it was a strange place? or the fact that he caught a cold (still plugged up today, poor little dude).... so he slept for a good part of the morning. I cleaned some more because Andy was the last one to use the camper bachelor style before putting it away for the winter.

Some friends of ours came out for couple of hours in the afternoon for a visit. Thank goodness, because Andy never got back until 7pm! 12 hours (minus 2 or 3 with visitors) alone in bear country -- I was stir crazy! Not to mention on the edge of my seat ready on bear alert (one was reported in the next block)! He proceeds to tell me that my day would have been better if I would have been more social with them. Whatever. I explained to him that it was a family weekend, and I did not come out to have quality time with strangers.

Sunday was our anniversary. Yet another sleepless night with my teething, stuffed up baby. I get up and make breakfast. Andy says he has to go to work AGAIN! I started to pack things up, and he says that he thinks it would be a great idea to stay another night, so just relax!!! Give me a break! I snapped "Deep sea diving with sharks while on my period would be more fun than staying out here one more day alone!' He looked at me like I was crazy. No, I replied... Just lonely.

He apologized countless times.

I win, trailer back to town and he goes off to work. After a nice long, hot shower I went over to G&G's. It's always nice to go there, I get a break.

Andy shows up at 5:00 bearing gifts, and we went for dinner at the Keg. We had a nice dinner; reminiscing, even though I clock watched. I felt terrible leaving my baby while he is not feeling well. When we returned, they said he was very good... just had a famous Bumbo chair shit explosion. (*Note to self* Baby needs to wear onesies for as long as possible).

You get the picture.

Hudson fell asleep at around 8:30, I headed home. He slept maybe 20 minutes. This catnap led to a fussy, back arching, whiny baby who needed to go for a car ride at 11:30 to go to sleep. We ran out of options.

(I think that maybe it could partly be due to lack of cereal because he gags so bad from being so stuffed up.)

I am beyond exhausted... but today is a new day. Starting from scratch. New attitude, a tighter schedule again, and a trip to the health food store for teething tabs.

Decisions.... Decisions

2009-05-22T10:31:00.005-05:00

My brain has been working overtime. So much so, that it's dreadfully hard to fall asleep at night. I am exhausted, and just can't seem to shut my brain off. It sucks. This post may ramble.

It is still the same things eating away at me. Nothing major, just can't seem to shake it. It is 9:30 right now, and I have my floors washed and vacuumed, kitchen clean, baby bathed and dressed and my 3rd load of laundry on the go. Busy, but still just another day. Booooor-ing!

We looked at a house last night, big and beautiful, but still for $400,000 it has to be more of what I want. The house is 3 years old, and I would want to replace all of the flooring. I personally hate laminate, and the house had 2 full floors of it. Keep looking i guess. We need a bigger house. And also, would we keep this house and rent it, or do we sell it and put the equity into the new house?!?! *ugh!*

Andy has been working so much still, some 17 hour days... work is work--money is good, but I feel like I am alone. Frustrated at times. Hudson is SO busy, and a bit fussy (not terrible, but it gets to be overload when there is no break). I just wish the teeth would come through already. Andy also complains about how much stuff he is missing out on. Hudson has discovered how to smack his lips, and his tongue is his new fascination. He sticks it out and licks his lips now. Makes for a soggy mess! He has been sleeping better as well, only getting up once at night but a bit harder to get to sleep. His bedtime can be anytime between 9 and 10:30, rather than 8:30 or 9. Not much for alone time. My book is getting dusty.

This weekend is our 12th wedding anniversary. I still don't even fit my wedding rings.... I can get them on, but my finger looks like a swollen purple sausage! We had planned on taking the travel trailer out and relaxing for the weekend by going camping. I am not much of a camper, but with the trailer-- it's awesome. I look forward to it. I look especially forward to a family outing together, to catch up. Andy is busy at work, and can't get away. He just asked me to go out to the lake and book a site, and reserve it by putting up a tent until tonite when he can get the trailer out there. Me... put up a tent?!?! Should be quite the sight. I'll let you know how that little adventure turns out.

Next week, Andy has been invited to go with some buddies to beautiful Fernie to go on a 4 day golf package. It would be 6 days away with travel time. That again, is alot of time being a single parent. He is SO excited to go, and when he asked if he was allowed to join them how could I say no? He could use the break from work to have down time, and he can afford to go. I would be a bitch if I said no (mostly out of jealousy), and he would be heartbroken I am sure. Not too often does he really want to go anywhere, other than in August he goes on his annual ocean fishing trip for a week, which he has done for the past 4 years.

I have thought about going to see my sister for the 6 days while he is away. She and I are so tight, and she would give me a hand. Shitty thing is that would be a 7 hour drive to get there. Then Andy would fly there and meet me on his way back to help with the drive home. Clearly I would have rocks in my head to do that drive alone as tempting as it is. Andy said I should go; but to take my time, stopping often, and if it took a day and a half to get there, then so be it. I also looked into flying, but it would be a 10+ hour day with all of the changeovers and delays. He suggested if that's the case, go to Vancouver and see Tara and Ruby if I wanted to; but again, to do that alone I would be suicidal. I would however, love the visit. It sucks that we are so far away from each other.

Maybe I should stay home and get some gardening done? Spend the money on flowers and relax around the house. I am a bit stir crazy these days, so not sure if staying here is the solution. I have been trying to go for my long walks in the afternoon, but Hudson has been bitchy for some reason or another when we go, so I haven't been looking forward to it as much. *sigh*

Another contribution to my sleeplessness is taxes. Andy keeps saying tomorrow he'll do his part. I am the one dealing with the bookkeeper and after all, it is his business... not mine. (Mine of course, are done, but not files b/c we will file them at the same time). I even left our $13,000 in IVF receipts that are in my name to help his business return. I bet I could've cashed in had I left them for my personal return! Maybe then I could pay for a chauffeur to drive me on my getaway destination!!!!

What's a girl to do?

Go Wings!

2009-05-20T15:44:00.007-05:00

With Father's Day fast approaching... I figured I would get my butt in gear and get something done for Andy's first one. After all, he did quite a good job for my first Mother's Day.

Anyone who knows him would realize his obsession with hockey, and especially the Red Wings. I took Hudson in today and got his photos done, bringing in a few things to personalize the photo shoot. I ended up with many different poses which were great. I will share them with all of you later. For now, I will give you a sneak peek of the one I picked from Hudson for his Daddy. I love it!

p.s.----> Friends and Family members will be receiving various photos when they arrive. Please do not copy for screensavers or print this photo until after Andy has seen his! I only put it on here to brag a little!

Thanks... much appreciated!

If they could just stay small....

2009-05-18T12:42:00.008-05:00

I never gave much thought of just how much Hudson has changed. Obviously he is getting bigger, but in just a couple of months his features look so much more like a little boy instead of a baby. *sniff* *sniff*

Hudson 2 1/2 months:

Hudson 5 months (next week):

Mother's Day

2009-05-16T16:46:00.005-05:00

A rare find, a photo of Me and Hudson. I found it on my Dad's computer... and it's half decent.

Feeling Blah...

2009-05-16T15:35:00.002-05:00

I am so exhausted lately, not sure why exactly. Feeling blah. Maybe it's the lack of any excitement going on in my life? Looking after the baby is great, don't take this the wrong way! I love, love, love him! I am just stating the fact other than taking care of him, housework can only pass so much time. (Being a neat-freak does not make for a great deal of messes to keep me occupied) , and laundry duties can never be a good time. Shopping is not a good time for me, buying clothes that aren't going to flatter my current shape just seems pointless. I could shop for the little man, but he really does not need anything. He dresses better than both of us most days.
The wind has been whippin' the past few days with the odd rain cloud, so my walks are not going as well as they have been lately. Maybe that's it.

Maybe it's because Hudson has finally gotten better in the sleep department. He is sleeping about 11 hours, and only waking up once a night to be fed. I prayed for these days to return, and now that it's happening I wonder if I am used to cat-napping all night instead of stretches of actual sleep.

I also think that it may also be due to the fact that Andy works so much lately. We can always use more money, so either way something's gotta give. More money, or more family time... but you can't have both. We may be looking into buying a bigger house, so the work is good.

I deleted all of my old posts the other day by accident ( fack!) with no way to retrieve them. Don't ask. I am retarded.

*sigh*

Things are really not that bad. I don't honestly have anything to complain about.

Maybe I just need to bitch.

Mmmmm!

2009-05-14T20:52:00.005-05:00

I have been told by numerous health care professionals to NOT feed your infant cereal until they are 6 months old. They simply aren't ready for it until then, because they can't digest it properly. (He does not show any symptoms of a problem!)

Although I had been feeding it to him for quite some time, I stopped because I was feeling guilty about it. They made me feel like I was a bad Mom! Ashamed to tell anyone that I was doing it. I do not intend to feed him anything other than rice cereal mixed with breast milk (still thin) until after the 6 month mark, but I have to let him eat it.... he LOVES it!

See for yourself...